Caregiving is incredibly stressful at the best of times, but the holiday season can really add to the burden caregivers are carrying. There are many reasons the holiday season is usually not seen as a reason to celebrate for many caretakers. For one, the holidays can bring extra responsibilities, like shopping for gifts, hosting meals or parties, and the pressure to attend other holiday events. It can also be a time for increased emotional distress. The holidays generally mean that families come together – those same family members that have been unwilling to help you manage the caregiving burden throughout the rest of the year. Your caregiving responsibilities may mean that you don’t have the time you’d like to have to spend with other friends or attending holiday parties. Last but not least, it might be especially hard to cope with your loved one’s illness during the holidays, a time that is usually filled with memories of happier days.

If this sounds like the way you view the holidays as a caregiver, you should know that there are choices you can make to help the holiday season run a little more smoothly for you and to help you actually get some time to enjoy the season yourself. It all comes down to you being assertive about your needs and deciding how you’ll deal with the situations that arise. You can choose to have a happy holiday this year.

The first thing you have to come to terms with is seeing your family members that you might have some resentful feelings about. You probably want to confront them and insist that give you more help and show you some appreciation for the work you are doing. The holidays might make a handy time to have these conversations since everyone is gathered together, but you have to decide if the confrontation is worth the stress that it will cause you. If you know that it will cause a big blow up and you don’t want it hanging in the air, then choose to bite your tongue for now, enjoy your holiday, and confront your family after the season passes.

Next, you have to come up with some realistic idea of how much extra work you can put in over the holidays. Even if you are the usual host of the family holiday events – and it’s very common for the family member who has stepped up as caretaker to be the one who has stepped up for these kinds of events in the past – speak up and say that you simply can’t manage this year. If you must have the gathering in your home, ask other people to bring food so you don’t have the extra work to do. Likewise, be realistic about how much time you can spend attending holiday events yourself. Don’t feel obligated to accept every invitation, and don’t feel obligated to stay longer than you feel like when you do attend events. Make the decision not to take on the extra stress.

Last but not least, make sure to take some time out for you and your patient to enjoy some quiet time together on the holidays. Although you may be together all of the time, that may not be real, quality time. Even patients with dementia tend to hold on to their long term memories, so they may be very able to reminisce with you about holidays past. The holidays can be a special time for you as a caregiver to simply enjoy and remember the relationship you have with the person you care for – which may not always be easy to do when you care for them day in and day you.

The bottom line is that the holidays are what you make them. Decide to preserve your own needs, and you can enjoy the season as well.

Acting as a caregiver is never an easy task, but if the patient you are looking after has dementia, it becomes an even more difficult burden. Patients with dementia often cannot be left alone, and you have to worry not only about taking care of their health but also their safety. Plus, as the dementia worsens, the patient will become and more and more difficult to communicate with, and their mood swings can be distressing. If you find yourself in the position of caring for someone with dementia, learning to understand their condition and how to communicate with them as effectively as possible is critical for both of you. This will help the patient get what they need and will help lighten the load that you are carrying. Here are some tips to keep in mind when you are faced with a loved one with dementia.

First, know that the unspoken communication signals you use are as important as the words you choose. Sometimes, a patient with dementia may have a difficult time understanding your exact meaning, which can be alarming to them. However, if you use a calm tone of voice and maintain a friendly expression, even if your message is not getting across, the fact that you’re trying to be helpful and positive will. Losing your temper and raising your voice will escalate a bad situation and can be extremely unnerving for the patient – not to mention the fact that you will feel guilty afterwards. If you don’t think you can maintain your composure at any given moment, wait until later to deliver the message you need to deliver.

Of course, if you want to be understood, it helps if there is nothing else competing for the patient’s attention. Focus is a tremendous issue with dementia, and if you are trying to talk to the patient while you are also watching TV, playing music or anything else distracting, you are unlikely to be able to get your point across. Keep things calm and quiet to make talking easier.

When the patient tries to respond to you, keep an eye on their nonverbal communication. It’s very common for a person with dementia to mix up their words, or to struggle to come up with any words at all, but you may be able to help them get their own point across if you pay attention to their behavior. Do they seem alarmed? If you’ve asked them to make a decision about something, can they point at what they want? Do everything you can to help them make themselves understood.

Your response also matters. If you’ve asked a question, if the patient can’t answer you or if they give you an answer that doesn’t make sense in relation to the question that you have asked, be calm. Judge the situation and decide if you should ask another way or wait until later. Never argue with a person who has dementia. Physical affection is important here as well. A hug can calm a patient down, let them know they are safe, and in turn help them communicate better.

Last but not least, remember to keep it simple and clear. You may need to find a new way of talking when you’re dealing with a patient with dementia. It is in our nature to pepper our sentences with pronouns and slang terms, but this can confuse a person suffering from dementia. Call everyone and everything but its proper name so the patient is not left guessing and use visual aids and clues when possible. Communication will always be a challenge for caregivers and dementia patients, but the right approach can make a potentially extremely stressful prospect much easier to manage.

Caregiving is extremely expensive for the caregiver – that cannot be denied. Usually, the primary caregiver also has to shoulder the burden for expenses like doctor visits, prescription costs, medical equipment, home help, adult day care, and any other need the patient has. There is also the matter that most caregivers see their income decrease as their loved ones become more and more dependant.

They may not be able to work anymore, or they may have to reduce their work hours to part time. The financial burden of caretaking is enormous, but there are other costs associated with acting as a caregiver that have to be counted as well. These costs aren’t as easy to show on a bottom line, but they are every bit as important as the financial costs – if not more so. Before you become a caregiver, or if you know someone who provides care, consider these additional burdens.

One of the biggest costs of caregiving can be the health of the caregiver. While they are busy looking after the health of their loved one, their own health may be deteriorating. Caretaking is extremely stressful and extremely time consuming, all of which can take an enormous toll on the emotional, physical, mental and spiritual wellbeing of the caretaker. As a caretaker, you may not have the time to exercise and eat properly, which of course is a burden on your physical health. But the stress itself of looking after a loved one and watching them deteriorate, while experiencing the isolation associated with being a primary caregiver can be very damaging. It is not uncommon to experience headaches, stomach problems, sleep trouble, weight changes, extreme fatigue and more. You may become depressed, feel withdrawn, feel angry, and feel alone. You may also experience forgetfulness or confusion yourself from the stress, which can be particularly troublesome when you are caring for someone with dementia.

Another cost to you as a caregiver may be personal. Acting as a primary caregiver is extremely time consuming. You will likely end up missing a lot of time with family and friends and may find it impossible to have a social life. Most caregivers have to withdraw from their careers, and if your career was very important to you, giving this up can be an enormous blow. Your world will grow smaller as a caregiver, which of course can have a tremendous impact on your overall well being.

How can you avoid these costs? Well, the honest answer is that it may be impossible to avoid them entirely. By nature, caregiving is stressful and a huge responsibility. Watching a loved one suffer is never easy, and putting your life on hold will bring on a host of emotions. But there are things you can do to mitigate your costs.

First and foremost, ask for help when you need it! Most caregivers think asking for help means they have failed. It really means just the opposite. You have to recognize that protecting your own health is something important that you do for the person you care for – if you can’t take care of them, who will? Share the burden. Ask family and friends to stop in. If they can’t, then seek out local support groups, adult day cares, and home health care services. Get a break when you need one.

Also, give yourself a break. The laundry can wait for one night. You can order a pizza instead of cooking a meal. Prioritize what you need to do, and don’t sweat the small stuff.

Caregiving costs financially and in other ways. You have to take charge of the costs so you can afford to pay the bill.

Being the primary caregiver for an aging adult can be a very stressful experience; luckily, there are lots of ways to reduce this stress and to bring your life back under control if the stress has already become a bit of a problem in your life.  Some of the best ways to cope with the stress include options for taking care of your own physical and mental health, while other options concern the care of the person for whom you are a caregiver.

The most important thing that most caregivers for aging adults sometimes forget is that a caregiver has their own emotions and life to deal with even while they are such a strong source of support for a sick loved one.  This feeling of wanting to be able to do absolutely everything can lead to very detrimental results.  Instead of trying to take care of everyone and everything 24 hours a day, remember that you have to take care of yourself in order to be useful as a caregiver for your loved one.  The best ways to ensure that you are taking good care of yourself are to keep your life in balance and to keep sleeping, exercising and eating well enough to be full of energy and in good spirits.

If your mind is too occupied with the impending loss of a terminally ill loved one, or you are feeling angry or guilty, sad or in doubt, it’s a good idea to consult your doctor.  If your symptoms include loss of sleep and being worried, you should contact your doctor right away.  Of course, it’s normal to worry about a loved one who is sick. If thoughts of how you will support yourself after your loved one is gone have you awake at night, you should tackle the worry straight on instead of letting it get the better of you.

Your doctor can suggest healthcare providers according to your needs.  If stress has resulted in back pain, it might be time for a trip to the physical therapist; likewise, if you’re so worried that your stomach is unable to handle any solid foods, a trip to a therapist may well be the best idea.  In addition to healthcare providers, there is also the valuable option of joining support groups for caregivers of the elderly.  Such groups exist both for in-person meetings as well as there being online support groups.

Joining a support group can offer valuable support from knowing that there are lots of other people out there in your community or out in the whole world who are dealing with similar issues to what you are dealing with in your own life.  It’s not just with the logistics of being a caregiver that having some support is beneficial; it is also extremely positive to share the burden of thoughts and emotions with other caregivers who are going through the same emotions as you are.

Take time for yourself: watch your favorite television shows or rent comedy movies to lighten your spirits.  Don’t let yourself become isolated; especially if the person for whom you are caring is not fully present mentally; make sure to invite others into the home or to leave the house periodically so that you can interact with other people on a regular basis.  There are lots of people in the world who can help you through the caregiving process; some of these people, like friends, family and church members or coworkers are already in your life.  There are a lot of other people out there though who are willing and able to help you if you take the time to seek them out.  Don’t be scared to ask for help…everyone needs some help, especially when it comes to something as physically and emotionally demanding as being a full-time caregiver.