There is a big problem among adult caregivers these days that they either do not recognize or no one is talking about. The problem is called depression and as many as 25% of all adult caregivers suffer from this condition which is twice the national average of the population in general. These figures are actually quite conservative as many senior social agencies that provide resources to caregivers believe. In addition, once the caregiver’s duties are done with (usually due to the loved one’s death), depression can still occur or linger on.

Of all the adult caregivers, it seems that those who deal with dementia and Alzheimer’s disease in their loved one has a higher propensity for developing depression with it occurring in women twice as likely over men. The act of caregiving itself is not the cause of the depression but rather the feelings that stem from prolonged care. By the same token, not everyone experiences depression during the caregiving process either.

Why Depression Can Occur

Providing the best care to your loved one can mean giving up your own free time and making emotional and physical sacrifices. There is sometimes no time to call your own when you can decompress and relax. Always being in the “on” position can take its toll, even with the most efficient, competent person. It is quite normal for feelings of anger and resentment to crop up. There is also a feeling of loneliness and sadness in addition to anxiety and fatigue. Add those guilty emotions you have for even feeling these things and it is no wonder depression has become quite a problem among adult caregivers.

If you have never encountered depression before in others, you may perceive it as a weakness in yourself and ignore your feelings. This unbalanced feeling is not healthy and not only can it take a toll on your relationship with loved ones but also on yourself. Denying you have these conflicting emotions just makes things worse because you cannot will them away. Sometimes, you also may not realize you have depression because this condition manifests itself differently from one person to another. Plus depression symptoms do change in a situation over time. Here are some signs that might signal a depressive state:

1.  A feeling of fatigue all the time is one signal of depression that no amount of sleep will solve. In addition, depression can also cause changes in your sleep patterns. Either you will want to sleep too much or you do not get enough.

2.  Eating habits may change. Some people turn to food to try and assuage the feelings of guilt and frustration causing weight gain while others get a nervous stomach and do not eat enough because the food upsets them.

3.  Loss of interest in many activities that were once fun and neglecting personal relationships are both signs of depression. Feelings of inadequacy are quite common as well.

4.  Depression can manifest itself into actual physical symptoms that cannot be attributed to any other ailment. Headaches, non-specific pain on the body and digestive problems like irritable bowel syndrome are just a few of these physical symptoms of depression.

5.  Permanently ending things through suicide is one of the most drastic problems in depression in caregivers because they feel they have no escape and no where to turn.

If you feel any or all of these symptoms of depression, you should know that you are not alone. Do not shoulder the burden any longer. Seek help through friends, family, church, counselors or even your doctor. Do not hold things in but rather confide in someone. It takes time to bounce back but do what you can to make that happen. Participate in activities that were once favorites – and force yourself if you have to. Think positively too. Slowly you will feel the weight being lifted off your shoulders and the days will be brighter. However, you have to take that first step to do something about the depression.

It is quite normal to feel overwhelmed when faced with assuming the role of caregiver. There are a number of people in this country who are now taking care of their parents in their declining years. You may have actually been a caregiver for years without realizing it before an accident or event changed your perception. Do you feel you are even a caregiver? Here are some signs that indicate you soon will be if you are not already:

1.  Your once vibrant dad is now being plagued with a lot of little health problems, nothing earth-shattering or life-threatening – but enough to hamper his lifestyle.

2.  You find your loved one’s bank statements and unpaid bills laying on their desk unopened when they were once really diligent about paying on time.

3.  Loss of interest in the hobbies or regular socializing your loved one normally does. Perhaps your elderly dad’s workshop has not been opened in a while or that weekly card game has now become a thing of the past.

4.  Regular household chores are not being done such as mowing the lawn, washing dishes or fixing a leak in the sink.

5.  There is not an adequate food supply present to feed your ailing parent or they become inattentive when cooking or baking, burning food.

6.  Grooming has become slack and your once polished parent is now a bit disheveled.

7.  Being distracted and inattentiveness in your loved one are also signs that you may soon become a caregiver.

If you feel that your parent may almost be ready for a caregiver, talk with them about it. Involve your aging parents in the process so they have some input in their own care. Of course, if there is some cognitive impairment in your parent, it is still important to include them in the decision-making. This will make them feel included and not so isolated about their situation. Help them navigate the internet on the computer so they can read for themselves the positive benefits of caregiving.

Once your role as caregiver is inevitable, create a job description so you know what to expect from yourself and get your loved one’s input as they will be the recipient of this care. Get other family members, friends and neighbors lined up and on board to serve stand-by for those times when you need help. If you do not have much of a support system, look into local home health care agencies or companions, depending on your loved one’s needs. Be sure to stick to the guidelines you set up for yourself and respect your time off because you will need it to recharge your internal batteries.

You do not have to shoulder the burden of caregiving alone. Check with the AAA, the Area Agency on Aging and look for a local office. They and many other entities like them can provide you with leads on home companions, nursing assistance and even assisted living facilities or adult day care. Know what your options are now before immersing yourself in the caregiving role.

If possible, involve your aging parent in your caregiving decisions. If you plan to use an adult day care, take them on a tour of the facility to ensure there will be enough activities to keep them engaged. Interviewing for a home health care nurse, allow your parent to meet with the interviewee. This will give you a chance to see how well they would interact together.

Find a positive spin for all of these caregiving changes in your aging parent’s life. If a companion is coming to the home to help cook and clean, tell your parent that now they don’t have to worry about those two chores, they have more time to visit with friends or indulge in a favorite pastime. All in all, the most important thing you can do is involve your loved one. Of course screen all possibilities first to weed out the chafe but take into consideration your loved one’s opinions. After all, they are the recipient of your caregiving efforts and should have a positive experience.

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If you are the primary caregiver for a loved one and are finding the demands of being the only caregiver to be too high, it might be time to consider home care services that will help relieve some of the burden that is now placed entirely on you.  There’s an important distinction to be made between home health care and (non-medical) home care; the first concerns medically-based care such as nursing, physical therapy and respiratory therapy.  This type of home care is more expensive than the non-medical types of home care since the providers have to be educated and certified in most circumstances.  If this is not necessary in your case, there are lots of different types of home care that can be utilized at a lower cost (and some that are covered by Medicaid and insurance).

Non-medical home care can either focus on housekeeping tasks such as cooking and cleaning so that you, the primary caregiver can spend time with the aging person, taking care of the person and socializing together.  Another option is to hire someone to be a companion for the aging person part of the day or even the full day.  This person can engage in games and conversation with the patient, work on puzzles together or go for walks if the person is mobile enough.  These types of home care are ideal for primary caregivers who are either working full or part time but do not want their loved one to be alone, or caregivers who simply have too much on their plate.

Home care workers of a non-medical nature can be hired through an agency or can be simply found online or in newspaper listings.  Of course, if you do not use an agency to find a home care provider, you’ll want to do a thorough background check in order to ensure that the person coming into your home is trustworthy and has a good track record.

Sometimes home care professionals come to your house every day for a few hours or sometimes they are hired for the entire week, so your home is the only one in which they’re working at a given point in time.  Additionally, there are home care workers who live in with the elderly couple, which can be an added benefit for both parties.  In this type of situation, the employee benefits by not having to rent a home or apartment and not having to travel to work, and the employer benefits in having their caregiver close by at all times.  The fact that the caregiver lives in should not be abused. Make a working schedule together and expect both parties to stick to it. A caregiver who is not on working duty, but in the house, can give an aging caregiver a feeling that support is there whenever they need it.  In a household where an elderly person can fall at any moment and the primary caregiver is just as old as the patient, having a younger employee in the house can make all the difference in the world.

In addition to these standard working situations for full and part-time home care givers, there’s the option of respite care.  Respite care is a special, round-the-clock type of in-home care where the respite caregiver is responsible 24 hours a day.  This can go on for a day or for a period of time, for example if the primary caregiver becomes ill and cannot take care of their loved one for a few days while they get better or perhaps the caregiver has to go out of town for a few days.  Respite care is an option that offers constant care, the same as a spouse or child offers in-home care.

If you are a primary caregiver with too much work on your hands, checking out some in-home care options might prove to be the smartest step you can make.

Making the decision to move an elderly parent in with you is not one to jump into lightly. There are many things to consider including how your parent feels about the whole situation. You would be making drastic changes to your lifestyle as would your family. The family dynamic and roles will change causing tension and worry.

The decision to be your parent’s caregiver inside your own home is not always clear cut. First of all, you need to decide (with your parent) whether or not there are intermediate steps to take before making the big leap. Could you afford a caregiver to live with your parent? Can your parent even live alone safely? How comfortable do you feel with the role reversal? There are many things to consider first. Here are some questions that may crop up in the course of making that caregiving decision:

The Family Dynamic

First of all, many aging parents may feel they do not need any help and might resist moving in with you. How are you planning to talk with them about it? You need to be prepared with a list of reasons why they can no longer live alone. Also, your family will be changed as well if a parent moves in with you. How will your ailing parent integrate with your family? How will your spouse and kids feel and in what way will their lives change? You will need to talk with your family to even see if moving your parent in is the right thing for everyone involved.

You need your own personal time and space but how will you get them with a parent to take care of in your home? What would your limits be in caring for your ailing parent before a nursing becomes the better choice? How dependent will the parent be on you beyond the food and shelter and can you fulfill those responsibilities? Will any siblings feel resentful if you are the one taking care of your parent?

Modifying your Living Space

When the decision to move a parent in to your home comes into play, do you have any idea where to put them? Will one of your family members be displaced from their room and cause resentment? Can a spare room, home office or den be converted successfully for your parent? Would building an addition to the home be possible so no one loses their personal space? How about home modifications for any assistive devices? Would you have to build a wheelchair ramp, install special door knobs or railings?

Consider the “baggage” your parent will be bringing with them. Can you handle their yapping lap dog or precious kitty? Could you handle questionable personal behaviors such as smoking or drinking? What about having friends over? Can you handle your parent’s many friends coming over to visit?

Time and Money

Time and money are other aspects to consider when your parent moves in so you can care for them. How do you handle your finances as well as theirs? Should they offer to pay some rent or contribute to groceries? What should be the division of expenses? How will other family members such as your siblings feel about the financial aspect? Will you have to change jobs, reduce your work hours or quit all together to serve as caregiver to your parent?

If you do have to work, how will your parent care for themselves during the day? Will you hire a companion? Do you have any inkling on how you plan to juggle your needs, that of your spouse and kids in addition to your parent? How will the division of labor be spread out?

Other Considerations

Some parental caregiving may require with personal issues. Could you handle spoon feeding your parent? What about bathing them or changing their diaper should they have incontinence? Do you know what to expect in regards to your parent’s health and what to do in an emergency? Would you be able to take care of yourself so that you do not burn out serving as caregiver? If you need time to yourself, are you willing to hire a nurse or someone for respite care?

You have got to look before you leap into any situation regarding proving parental caregiving in your own home. There is not just one party (your parent) to think of but many, so delving into all of those questions above will help you make your decision.

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No one ever knows how hard acting as a caregiver is until they have actually had to do it themselves. Once you become a caregiver, your life is no longer your own. It is certainly very much like having a child, but it also brings with it the extra stress. You are often watching a loved one deteriorate physically and mentally before your eyes. The toll it takes on you is physical as well as emotional, and most caregivers find that they carry the entire burden of the caregiving themselves. To provide good care for your loved, however, you need to be good to yourself and try to make the caring process as stress-free as possible. These tips and helpful hints will guide you in making the caring process go as smoothly as it can, do you can look after yourself and your patient.

There are two main sets of tips for caregivers – those that make the actual caring easier and those that help caregivers get a little bit of relaxation and a much needed break. In terms of making the caring process easier, think about the things that you do for your patient that you might be able to empower them to do for themselves. If the patient needs help finding their personal items and then has no idea where to put them away, you can consider labeling drawers and cabinets with little notes that tell where everything is. Your patient will relish the chance to be independent enough to not have to ask for your help, and the note may also encourage them to put things away easily so you don’t have to go behind them and clean up. If your patient is bedridden, keep a selection of things they may need close to them, including books, TV remote, tissues, and more. That way they have the ability to get some of what they need and want without your help.

If you frequently take your patient out in the car with you, make sure you care is stocked with everything you may need. Incontinence is a frequent problem with patients who need care, so make sure all of the materials you need to deal with an accident are in your car, so you can deal with the problem swiftly and with as little discomfort to the patient as possible. Likewise, keep important phone numbers and backups of any medications in your car just in case.

Caring for yourself is as important as caring for your patient – if you’re not operating at 100%, you won’t be giving them 100% care. But carving out the time you need to relax and recharge when you’re the primary caregiver can be next to impossible. To make sure you get some time, first, look for the little bits of time you can steal to yourself daily. If your patient is napping, instead of running around doing the cleaning, take some time to read a book or watch a favorite TV show. After your patient goes to bed at night, develop a relaxing routine like taking a bath or unwinding with some of your favorite music.

When you need a longer break, don’t be afraid to reach out for help. If there are no family members or friends around to step in and help you, then investigate adult day care services or home health care services. You need to get away for your own emotional and physical wellbeing, so don’t be afraid to ask for the help you need. If you don’t know where to start, check out your local caregivers’ support group for advice on the resources that are available in your area.

Caregiving is extremely expensive for the caregiver – that cannot be denied. Usually, the primary caregiver also has to shoulder the burden for expenses like doctor visits, prescription costs, medical equipment, home help, adult day care, and any other need the patient has. There is also the matter that most caregivers see their income decrease as their loved ones become more and more dependant.

They may not be able to work anymore, or they may have to reduce their work hours to part time. The financial burden of caretaking is enormous, but there are other costs associated with acting as a caregiver that have to be counted as well. These costs aren’t as easy to show on a bottom line, but they are every bit as important as the financial costs – if not more so. Before you become a caregiver, or if you know someone who provides care, consider these additional burdens.

One of the biggest costs of caregiving can be the health of the caregiver. While they are busy looking after the health of their loved one, their own health may be deteriorating. Caretaking is extremely stressful and extremely time consuming, all of which can take an enormous toll on the emotional, physical, mental and spiritual wellbeing of the caretaker. As a caretaker, you may not have the time to exercise and eat properly, which of course is a burden on your physical health. But the stress itself of looking after a loved one and watching them deteriorate, while experiencing the isolation associated with being a primary caregiver can be very damaging. It is not uncommon to experience headaches, stomach problems, sleep trouble, weight changes, extreme fatigue and more. You may become depressed, feel withdrawn, feel angry, and feel alone. You may also experience forgetfulness or confusion yourself from the stress, which can be particularly troublesome when you are caring for someone with dementia.

Another cost to you as a caregiver may be personal. Acting as a primary caregiver is extremely time consuming. You will likely end up missing a lot of time with family and friends and may find it impossible to have a social life. Most caregivers have to withdraw from their careers, and if your career was very important to you, giving this up can be an enormous blow. Your world will grow smaller as a caregiver, which of course can have a tremendous impact on your overall well being.

How can you avoid these costs? Well, the honest answer is that it may be impossible to avoid them entirely. By nature, caregiving is stressful and a huge responsibility. Watching a loved one suffer is never easy, and putting your life on hold will bring on a host of emotions. But there are things you can do to mitigate your costs.

First and foremost, ask for help when you need it! Most caregivers think asking for help means they have failed. It really means just the opposite. You have to recognize that protecting your own health is something important that you do for the person you care for – if you can’t take care of them, who will? Share the burden. Ask family and friends to stop in. If they can’t, then seek out local support groups, adult day cares, and home health care services. Get a break when you need one.

Also, give yourself a break. The laundry can wait for one night. You can order a pizza instead of cooking a meal. Prioritize what you need to do, and don’t sweat the small stuff.

Caregiving costs financially and in other ways. You have to take charge of the costs so you can afford to pay the bill.

Being the primary caregiver for an aging adult can be a very stressful experience; luckily, there are lots of ways to reduce this stress and to bring your life back under control if the stress has already become a bit of a problem in your life.  Some of the best ways to cope with the stress include options for taking care of your own physical and mental health, while other options concern the care of the person for whom you are a caregiver.

The most important thing that most caregivers for aging adults sometimes forget is that a caregiver has their own emotions and life to deal with even while they are such a strong source of support for a sick loved one.  This feeling of wanting to be able to do absolutely everything can lead to very detrimental results.  Instead of trying to take care of everyone and everything 24 hours a day, remember that you have to take care of yourself in order to be useful as a caregiver for your loved one.  The best ways to ensure that you are taking good care of yourself are to keep your life in balance and to keep sleeping, exercising and eating well enough to be full of energy and in good spirits.

If your mind is too occupied with the impending loss of a terminally ill loved one, or you are feeling angry or guilty, sad or in doubt, it’s a good idea to consult your doctor.  If your symptoms include loss of sleep and being worried, you should contact your doctor right away.  Of course, it’s normal to worry about a loved one who is sick. If thoughts of how you will support yourself after your loved one is gone have you awake at night, you should tackle the worry straight on instead of letting it get the better of you.

Your doctor can suggest healthcare providers according to your needs.  If stress has resulted in back pain, it might be time for a trip to the physical therapist; likewise, if you’re so worried that your stomach is unable to handle any solid foods, a trip to a therapist may well be the best idea.  In addition to healthcare providers, there is also the valuable option of joining support groups for caregivers of the elderly.  Such groups exist both for in-person meetings as well as there being online support groups.

Joining a support group can offer valuable support from knowing that there are lots of other people out there in your community or out in the whole world who are dealing with similar issues to what you are dealing with in your own life.  It’s not just with the logistics of being a caregiver that having some support is beneficial; it is also extremely positive to share the burden of thoughts and emotions with other caregivers who are going through the same emotions as you are.

Take time for yourself: watch your favorite television shows or rent comedy movies to lighten your spirits.  Don’t let yourself become isolated; especially if the person for whom you are caring is not fully present mentally; make sure to invite others into the home or to leave the house periodically so that you can interact with other people on a regular basis.  There are lots of people in the world who can help you through the caregiving process; some of these people, like friends, family and church members or coworkers are already in your life.  There are a lot of other people out there though who are willing and able to help you if you take the time to seek them out.  Don’t be scared to ask for help…everyone needs some help, especially when it comes to something as physically and emotionally demanding as being a full-time caregiver.

Caregiving is a rewarding experience as well as being a whole lot of work and being extremely stressful at times. Many people only hear about the negative aspects of being a caregiver for a family member; the positive impact of being a caregiver is seldom a focus of the media and general conversations about caregiving.

Most full-time caregivers are caring for either an elderly parent or an aging spouse. In the case of parents who are aging, significant areas of stress in the situation include the time needed in order to properly care for an elderly person at home as well as the financial and organizational efforts needed to coordinate care. Many family disputes arise when siblings are in disagreement about what the proper route of care should be. In this sort of family situation, there is often a lot of stress between siblings and spouses; however, the benefits of caring for an aging parent are usually quite apparent.

Grown adults who take care of their elderly parents often forge new relationships with their parents and gain a whole new perspective on their family’s past through the experience of reversing the caregiver—dependent party relationship. Another common area where a lot of benefits are found is that spending so much time with an aging parent means incredible powers of bonding in many situations.

These positive benefits enjoyed by the grown children of elderly parents are sometimes the same benefits enjoyed by a spouse who becomes the caregiver of their husband or wife. In other situations, these same benefits are not found in this different caregiving situation. For some couples, a new implicit understanding develops between them when they spend their entire day together. In other situations, these two aging partners, one with significant need of help and the other being the source of that help, it can be the case that these two partners grow angry and hostile with each other instead of finding a new peace and understanding in their relationship.

Even if this is the case, there is a silver lining to be found if the caregiver gets enough support for him or herself. An important thing to emphasize is that the stresses and concerns of an adult caregiver are 100% real. The physical demands of being responsible for another person (who is potentially as physically large as you) are significant. In addition to the physical demands, the amount of time needed is substantial and the amount of patience and understanding that is needed can be overwhelming, especially in cases where the mind of the other person is deteriorating. An important thing to remember is that the caregiver has to have a support network, time to him or herself, and a healthy lifestyle in order to be a successful caregiver.

Some adult caregivers find a new respect for their own well-being through the experience of taking care of someone else. The doctor of a caregiver, as well as his or her friends and family will tell them often to take care of themselves, both in terms of physical health and mental health. Caregivers need full nights of sleep and a well-balanced diet, not to mention sufficient exercise and a stable mental life. Caregivers often see this demand to take care of their own life in order to be capable of taking care of their spouse as one of the most positive results of being a caregiver. Not only do you spend time and energy on the person you love, but you also have to take the time and energy to keep yourself well. This makes both members of a couple happier and healthier in the long run, which is what caregiving is all about.