It is quite normal to feel overwhelmed when faced with assuming the role of caregiver. There are a number of people in this country who are now taking care of their parents in their declining years. You may have actually been a caregiver for years without realizing it before an accident or event changed your perception. Do you feel you are even a caregiver? Here are some signs that indicate you soon will be if you are not already:

1.  Your once vibrant dad is now being plagued with a lot of little health problems, nothing earth-shattering or life-threatening – but enough to hamper his lifestyle.

2.  You find your loved one’s bank statements and unpaid bills laying on their desk unopened when they were once really diligent about paying on time.

3.  Loss of interest in the hobbies or regular socializing your loved one normally does. Perhaps your elderly dad’s workshop has not been opened in a while or that weekly card game has now become a thing of the past.

4.  Regular household chores are not being done such as mowing the lawn, washing dishes or fixing a leak in the sink.

5.  There is not an adequate food supply present to feed your ailing parent or they become inattentive when cooking or baking, burning food.

6.  Grooming has become slack and your once polished parent is now a bit disheveled.

7.  Being distracted and inattentiveness in your loved one are also signs that you may soon become a caregiver.

If you feel that your parent may almost be ready for a caregiver, talk with them about it. Involve your aging parents in the process so they have some input in their own care. Of course, if there is some cognitive impairment in your parent, it is still important to include them in the decision-making. This will make them feel included and not so isolated about their situation. Help them navigate the internet on the computer so they can read for themselves the positive benefits of caregiving.

Once your role as caregiver is inevitable, create a job description so you know what to expect from yourself and get your loved one’s input as they will be the recipient of this care. Get other family members, friends and neighbors lined up and on board to serve stand-by for those times when you need help. If you do not have much of a support system, look into local home health care agencies or companions, depending on your loved one’s needs. Be sure to stick to the guidelines you set up for yourself and respect your time off because you will need it to recharge your internal batteries.

You do not have to shoulder the burden of caregiving alone. Check with the AAA, the Area Agency on Aging and look for a local office. They and many other entities like them can provide you with leads on home companions, nursing assistance and even assisted living facilities or adult day care. Know what your options are now before immersing yourself in the caregiving role.

If possible, involve your aging parent in your caregiving decisions. If you plan to use an adult day care, take them on a tour of the facility to ensure there will be enough activities to keep them engaged. Interviewing for a home health care nurse, allow your parent to meet with the interviewee. This will give you a chance to see how well they would interact together.

Find a positive spin for all of these caregiving changes in your aging parent’s life. If a companion is coming to the home to help cook and clean, tell your parent that now they don’t have to worry about those two chores, they have more time to visit with friends or indulge in a favorite pastime. All in all, the most important thing you can do is involve your loved one. Of course screen all possibilities first to weed out the chafe but take into consideration your loved one’s opinions. After all, they are the recipient of your caregiving efforts and should have a positive experience.

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When it comes to taking care of an aging loved one, it’s important to not only think about the needs of the person that are physical needs, such as being warm enough and being fed and bathed, but also about the needs that are more psychological.  Many caregivers notice that when the person they are caring for is more able to do things independently that they are happier.  Part of being able to do something independently is mobility; fortunately, for caregivers and for those with reducing mobility, there are many devices that can help a person with reduced mobility get around safely.

Of course, safety is a primary concern, so it’s not a good idea to encourage someone with reduced mobility to just walk around the house because it’s good for the person to be able to do things for themselves.  It’s important to keep in mind that this ability to get around the house (or get up and down the street) should not be treated as a simple goal; the benefits of having the ability to do it because of assisting devices has to be weighed against the risks that are involved with letting someone with reduced mobility head off down the street.

For elderly people who are still walking but who need some assistance to ensure that they don’t fall, there are various types of assisting walking devices.  Some people prefer a simple cane, but there are also a wide variety of walkers available which give the person even more stability.  The tough thing with using a cane is that most people only use one cane to help them walk around; while this is a good addition to one’s mobility program, it’s even better if a device is added which supports both sides of the person’s body.  Since a cane only supports one side of the person’s body, it’s very easy to become preferential to one side of the body.  Some people remember to switch the cane back and forth to the opposite side of the body each day in order to stay balanced, but the vast majority of people develop one arm that’s for the cane and the other arm is never involved with the device.  A rolling walker can provide even more stability and does not favor the left or the right side of the body.

In contexts where much more movement is required or for a person who is not at all able to walk on their own, there are many devices that can help caregivers help people with reduced mobility to get around.  For example, a scooter is a great way for many elderly people to get around because quite often their caregivers are their own spouses, a person who is also quite advanced in age in most cases.  Usually, the caregiver is not someone who can be pushing a wheelchair with an adult person in it; this is why the scooter with a built-in motor is the perfect solution for many caregivers.

In addition to the scooter itself, the best way to be able to use the scooter in multiple contexts is to get a carrier for your car.  Once you have a carrier on your car, you can transport the scooter anywhere that you need to go.  Loading the scooter onto the carrier (or into a van, for example) is completely automated at the push of a button.  Such a device ensures that caregivers and their loved ones can go to all the places they need to go without the worry of wondering how to get around once they get there or without the disappointment of always being left in the car.  Such devices as these are what make caregiving easier and easier despite the emotional stresses that remain.

Caregiving is extremely expensive for the caregiver – that cannot be denied. Usually, the primary caregiver also has to shoulder the burden for expenses like doctor visits, prescription costs, medical equipment, home help, adult day care, and any other need the patient has. There is also the matter that most caregivers see their income decrease as their loved ones become more and more dependant.

They may not be able to work anymore, or they may have to reduce their work hours to part time. The financial burden of caretaking is enormous, but there are other costs associated with acting as a caregiver that have to be counted as well. These costs aren’t as easy to show on a bottom line, but they are every bit as important as the financial costs – if not more so. Before you become a caregiver, or if you know someone who provides care, consider these additional burdens.

One of the biggest costs of caregiving can be the health of the caregiver. While they are busy looking after the health of their loved one, their own health may be deteriorating. Caretaking is extremely stressful and extremely time consuming, all of which can take an enormous toll on the emotional, physical, mental and spiritual wellbeing of the caretaker. As a caretaker, you may not have the time to exercise and eat properly, which of course is a burden on your physical health. But the stress itself of looking after a loved one and watching them deteriorate, while experiencing the isolation associated with being a primary caregiver can be very damaging. It is not uncommon to experience headaches, stomach problems, sleep trouble, weight changes, extreme fatigue and more. You may become depressed, feel withdrawn, feel angry, and feel alone. You may also experience forgetfulness or confusion yourself from the stress, which can be particularly troublesome when you are caring for someone with dementia.

Another cost to you as a caregiver may be personal. Acting as a primary caregiver is extremely time consuming. You will likely end up missing a lot of time with family and friends and may find it impossible to have a social life. Most caregivers have to withdraw from their careers, and if your career was very important to you, giving this up can be an enormous blow. Your world will grow smaller as a caregiver, which of course can have a tremendous impact on your overall well being.

How can you avoid these costs? Well, the honest answer is that it may be impossible to avoid them entirely. By nature, caregiving is stressful and a huge responsibility. Watching a loved one suffer is never easy, and putting your life on hold will bring on a host of emotions. But there are things you can do to mitigate your costs.

First and foremost, ask for help when you need it! Most caregivers think asking for help means they have failed. It really means just the opposite. You have to recognize that protecting your own health is something important that you do for the person you care for – if you can’t take care of them, who will? Share the burden. Ask family and friends to stop in. If they can’t, then seek out local support groups, adult day cares, and home health care services. Get a break when you need one.

Also, give yourself a break. The laundry can wait for one night. You can order a pizza instead of cooking a meal. Prioritize what you need to do, and don’t sweat the small stuff.

Caregiving costs financially and in other ways. You have to take charge of the costs so you can afford to pay the bill.

Being the primary caregiver for an aging adult can be a very stressful experience; luckily, there are lots of ways to reduce this stress and to bring your life back under control if the stress has already become a bit of a problem in your life.  Some of the best ways to cope with the stress include options for taking care of your own physical and mental health, while other options concern the care of the person for whom you are a caregiver.

The most important thing that most caregivers for aging adults sometimes forget is that a caregiver has their own emotions and life to deal with even while they are such a strong source of support for a sick loved one.  This feeling of wanting to be able to do absolutely everything can lead to very detrimental results.  Instead of trying to take care of everyone and everything 24 hours a day, remember that you have to take care of yourself in order to be useful as a caregiver for your loved one.  The best ways to ensure that you are taking good care of yourself are to keep your life in balance and to keep sleeping, exercising and eating well enough to be full of energy and in good spirits.

If your mind is too occupied with the impending loss of a terminally ill loved one, or you are feeling angry or guilty, sad or in doubt, it’s a good idea to consult your doctor.  If your symptoms include loss of sleep and being worried, you should contact your doctor right away.  Of course, it’s normal to worry about a loved one who is sick. If thoughts of how you will support yourself after your loved one is gone have you awake at night, you should tackle the worry straight on instead of letting it get the better of you.

Your doctor can suggest healthcare providers according to your needs.  If stress has resulted in back pain, it might be time for a trip to the physical therapist; likewise, if you’re so worried that your stomach is unable to handle any solid foods, a trip to a therapist may well be the best idea.  In addition to healthcare providers, there is also the valuable option of joining support groups for caregivers of the elderly.  Such groups exist both for in-person meetings as well as there being online support groups.

Joining a support group can offer valuable support from knowing that there are lots of other people out there in your community or out in the whole world who are dealing with similar issues to what you are dealing with in your own life.  It’s not just with the logistics of being a caregiver that having some support is beneficial; it is also extremely positive to share the burden of thoughts and emotions with other caregivers who are going through the same emotions as you are.

Take time for yourself: watch your favorite television shows or rent comedy movies to lighten your spirits.  Don’t let yourself become isolated; especially if the person for whom you are caring is not fully present mentally; make sure to invite others into the home or to leave the house periodically so that you can interact with other people on a regular basis.  There are lots of people in the world who can help you through the caregiving process; some of these people, like friends, family and church members or coworkers are already in your life.  There are a lot of other people out there though who are willing and able to help you if you take the time to seek them out.  Don’t be scared to ask for help…everyone needs some help, especially when it comes to something as physically and emotionally demanding as being a full-time caregiver.

Emergencies can crop up regarding a loved one, particularly if there is a sudden illness or health issue that renders that loved one incapable of caring for themselves. While you may not need to quit your job to set up caregiving for your loved one, you will likely need some time off to initially care for your loved one, assess the situation and make plans accordingly. You might feel concerned about your job and whether you cannot take off for any length of time.

The good news is that the United States government passed the Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA) back in 1993 which provide employees who find themselves in a caregiving role the assistance they need to juggle not only their livelihood but also the care of their loved ones. The FMLA basically ensures that you cannot lose your job based on the need to care for a loved one. Of course, this act does not work to save your job forever but allows employees to take up to 12 weeks of leave unpaid from the hob without fear of repercussions.

Please note that the FMLA does not guarantee any pay during these 12 weeks and it is between you and the employer about whether or not you receive any pay. It may be based on the amount of sick leave, vacation time and/or personal time off (PTO) hours you may have accrued. If you have any of these built up, it could end up providing you with some income during your time off. Again, the payment arrangement is solely between you and your employers as the FMLA only guarantees that you cannot lose your job due to taking off to take care of a loved one.

With all good deeds like the FMLA, there is a down side to it as well. It does not protect all employees in the country. Therefore, not everyone has the opportunity to take advantage of it. Employers who are bound by the FMLA must be an entity affecting or conducting business or commerce. They must have at least 50 employees working at any given time during the course of a normal business week and also during the previous 20 plus calendared working business weeks. Subsidiaries or entities that are smaller than 50 employees but are affiliated or part of a larger entity also fall under the auspices of the FMLA.

There are some exceptions to entities with fewer than 50 employees and they include any public, local, state or government office and public as well as private secondary and elementary schools. If you do not fall within any of these scenarios, you may not be covered to take off from work with a guarantee to return to a job. Small business owners under 50 employees are not bound by the FMLA so you might have to negotiate with them in order to receive time off for caregiving.

Other things of note to consider with the FMLA is how an employer determines a 12-month period since the act states you can request up to 12 weeks of unpaid leave during one 12-month time. An employer can simply follow a 12 month calendar year which is the simplest or even follow their company’s fiscal 12 month year or even a 12 month period starting on your anniversary date. In addition, the 12-month period could be on the first day of when your FMLA leave period starts or even based on a rolling 12 month time frame that is gauged by counting backward from the date you use the leave for FMLA.

As you can see, there are quite a few things to check so do not always assume you fall within the guidelines. While you may not be able to put off your caregiving duties, at least by knowing your eligibility, you can negotiate with your employer about the necessary time off you need to care for your loved one.

Caregiving is a rewarding experience as well as being a whole lot of work and being extremely stressful at times. Many people only hear about the negative aspects of being a caregiver for a family member; the positive impact of being a caregiver is seldom a focus of the media and general conversations about caregiving.

Most full-time caregivers are caring for either an elderly parent or an aging spouse. In the case of parents who are aging, significant areas of stress in the situation include the time needed in order to properly care for an elderly person at home as well as the financial and organizational efforts needed to coordinate care. Many family disputes arise when siblings are in disagreement about what the proper route of care should be. In this sort of family situation, there is often a lot of stress between siblings and spouses; however, the benefits of caring for an aging parent are usually quite apparent.

Grown adults who take care of their elderly parents often forge new relationships with their parents and gain a whole new perspective on their family’s past through the experience of reversing the caregiver—dependent party relationship. Another common area where a lot of benefits are found is that spending so much time with an aging parent means incredible powers of bonding in many situations.

These positive benefits enjoyed by the grown children of elderly parents are sometimes the same benefits enjoyed by a spouse who becomes the caregiver of their husband or wife. In other situations, these same benefits are not found in this different caregiving situation. For some couples, a new implicit understanding develops between them when they spend their entire day together. In other situations, these two aging partners, one with significant need of help and the other being the source of that help, it can be the case that these two partners grow angry and hostile with each other instead of finding a new peace and understanding in their relationship.

Even if this is the case, there is a silver lining to be found if the caregiver gets enough support for him or herself. An important thing to emphasize is that the stresses and concerns of an adult caregiver are 100% real. The physical demands of being responsible for another person (who is potentially as physically large as you) are significant. In addition to the physical demands, the amount of time needed is substantial and the amount of patience and understanding that is needed can be overwhelming, especially in cases where the mind of the other person is deteriorating. An important thing to remember is that the caregiver has to have a support network, time to him or herself, and a healthy lifestyle in order to be a successful caregiver.

Some adult caregivers find a new respect for their own well-being through the experience of taking care of someone else. The doctor of a caregiver, as well as his or her friends and family will tell them often to take care of themselves, both in terms of physical health and mental health. Caregivers need full nights of sleep and a well-balanced diet, not to mention sufficient exercise and a stable mental life. Caregivers often see this demand to take care of their own life in order to be capable of taking care of their spouse as one of the most positive results of being a caregiver. Not only do you spend time and energy on the person you love, but you also have to take the time and energy to keep yourself well. This makes both members of a couple happier and healthier in the long run, which is what caregiving is all about.