Making the decision to move an elderly parent in with you is not one to jump into lightly. There are many things to consider including how your parent feels about the whole situation. You would be making drastic changes to your lifestyle as would your family. The family dynamic and roles will change causing tension and worry.

The decision to be your parent’s caregiver inside your own home is not always clear cut. First of all, you need to decide (with your parent) whether or not there are intermediate steps to take before making the big leap. Could you afford a caregiver to live with your parent? Can your parent even live alone safely? How comfortable do you feel with the role reversal? There are many things to consider first. Here are some questions that may crop up in the course of making that caregiving decision:

The Family Dynamic

First of all, many aging parents may feel they do not need any help and might resist moving in with you. How are you planning to talk with them about it? You need to be prepared with a list of reasons why they can no longer live alone. Also, your family will be changed as well if a parent moves in with you. How will your ailing parent integrate with your family? How will your spouse and kids feel and in what way will their lives change? You will need to talk with your family to even see if moving your parent in is the right thing for everyone involved.

You need your own personal time and space but how will you get them with a parent to take care of in your home? What would your limits be in caring for your ailing parent before a nursing becomes the better choice? How dependent will the parent be on you beyond the food and shelter and can you fulfill those responsibilities? Will any siblings feel resentful if you are the one taking care of your parent?

Modifying your Living Space

When the decision to move a parent in to your home comes into play, do you have any idea where to put them? Will one of your family members be displaced from their room and cause resentment? Can a spare room, home office or den be converted successfully for your parent? Would building an addition to the home be possible so no one loses their personal space? How about home modifications for any assistive devices? Would you have to build a wheelchair ramp, install special door knobs or railings?

Consider the “baggage” your parent will be bringing with them. Can you handle their yapping lap dog or precious kitty? Could you handle questionable personal behaviors such as smoking or drinking? What about having friends over? Can you handle your parent’s many friends coming over to visit?

Time and Money

Time and money are other aspects to consider when your parent moves in so you can care for them. How do you handle your finances as well as theirs? Should they offer to pay some rent or contribute to groceries? What should be the division of expenses? How will other family members such as your siblings feel about the financial aspect? Will you have to change jobs, reduce your work hours or quit all together to serve as caregiver to your parent?

If you do have to work, how will your parent care for themselves during the day? Will you hire a companion? Do you have any inkling on how you plan to juggle your needs, that of your spouse and kids in addition to your parent? How will the division of labor be spread out?

Other Considerations

Some parental caregiving may require with personal issues. Could you handle spoon feeding your parent? What about bathing them or changing their diaper should they have incontinence? Do you know what to expect in regards to your parent’s health and what to do in an emergency? Would you be able to take care of yourself so that you do not burn out serving as caregiver? If you need time to yourself, are you willing to hire a nurse or someone for respite care?

You have got to look before you leap into any situation regarding proving parental caregiving in your own home. There is not just one party (your parent) to think of but many, so delving into all of those questions above will help you make your decision.

Caregiving is a rewarding experience as well as being a whole lot of work and being extremely stressful at times. Many people only hear about the negative aspects of being a caregiver for a family member; the positive impact of being a caregiver is seldom a focus of the media and general conversations about caregiving.

Most full-time caregivers are caring for either an elderly parent or an aging spouse. In the case of parents who are aging, significant areas of stress in the situation include the time needed in order to properly care for an elderly person at home as well as the financial and organizational efforts needed to coordinate care. Many family disputes arise when siblings are in disagreement about what the proper route of care should be. In this sort of family situation, there is often a lot of stress between siblings and spouses; however, the benefits of caring for an aging parent are usually quite apparent.

Grown adults who take care of their elderly parents often forge new relationships with their parents and gain a whole new perspective on their family’s past through the experience of reversing the caregiver—dependent party relationship. Another common area where a lot of benefits are found is that spending so much time with an aging parent means incredible powers of bonding in many situations.

These positive benefits enjoyed by the grown children of elderly parents are sometimes the same benefits enjoyed by a spouse who becomes the caregiver of their husband or wife. In other situations, these same benefits are not found in this different caregiving situation. For some couples, a new implicit understanding develops between them when they spend their entire day together. In other situations, these two aging partners, one with significant need of help and the other being the source of that help, it can be the case that these two partners grow angry and hostile with each other instead of finding a new peace and understanding in their relationship.

Even if this is the case, there is a silver lining to be found if the caregiver gets enough support for him or herself. An important thing to emphasize is that the stresses and concerns of an adult caregiver are 100% real. The physical demands of being responsible for another person (who is potentially as physically large as you) are significant. In addition to the physical demands, the amount of time needed is substantial and the amount of patience and understanding that is needed can be overwhelming, especially in cases where the mind of the other person is deteriorating. An important thing to remember is that the caregiver has to have a support network, time to him or herself, and a healthy lifestyle in order to be a successful caregiver.

Some adult caregivers find a new respect for their own well-being through the experience of taking care of someone else. The doctor of a caregiver, as well as his or her friends and family will tell them often to take care of themselves, both in terms of physical health and mental health. Caregivers need full nights of sleep and a well-balanced diet, not to mention sufficient exercise and a stable mental life. Caregivers often see this demand to take care of their own life in order to be capable of taking care of their spouse as one of the most positive results of being a caregiver. Not only do you spend time and energy on the person you love, but you also have to take the time and energy to keep yourself well. This makes both members of a couple happier and healthier in the long run, which is what caregiving is all about.