Caregiving is incredibly stressful at the best of times, but the holiday season can really add to the burden caregivers are carrying. There are many reasons the holiday season is usually not seen as a reason to celebrate for many caretakers. For one, the holidays can bring extra responsibilities, like shopping for gifts, hosting meals or parties, and the pressure to attend other holiday events. It can also be a time for increased emotional distress. The holidays generally mean that families come together – those same family members that have been unwilling to help you manage the caregiving burden throughout the rest of the year. Your caregiving responsibilities may mean that you don’t have the time you’d like to have to spend with other friends or attending holiday parties. Last but not least, it might be especially hard to cope with your loved one’s illness during the holidays, a time that is usually filled with memories of happier days.

If this sounds like the way you view the holidays as a caregiver, you should know that there are choices you can make to help the holiday season run a little more smoothly for you and to help you actually get some time to enjoy the season yourself. It all comes down to you being assertive about your needs and deciding how you’ll deal with the situations that arise. You can choose to have a happy holiday this year.

The first thing you have to come to terms with is seeing your family members that you might have some resentful feelings about. You probably want to confront them and insist that give you more help and show you some appreciation for the work you are doing. The holidays might make a handy time to have these conversations since everyone is gathered together, but you have to decide if the confrontation is worth the stress that it will cause you. If you know that it will cause a big blow up and you don’t want it hanging in the air, then choose to bite your tongue for now, enjoy your holiday, and confront your family after the season passes.

Next, you have to come up with some realistic idea of how much extra work you can put in over the holidays. Even if you are the usual host of the family holiday events – and it’s very common for the family member who has stepped up as caretaker to be the one who has stepped up for these kinds of events in the past – speak up and say that you simply can’t manage this year. If you must have the gathering in your home, ask other people to bring food so you don’t have the extra work to do. Likewise, be realistic about how much time you can spend attending holiday events yourself. Don’t feel obligated to accept every invitation, and don’t feel obligated to stay longer than you feel like when you do attend events. Make the decision not to take on the extra stress.

Last but not least, make sure to take some time out for you and your patient to enjoy some quiet time together on the holidays. Although you may be together all of the time, that may not be real, quality time. Even patients with dementia tend to hold on to their long term memories, so they may be very able to reminisce with you about holidays past. The holidays can be a special time for you as a caregiver to simply enjoy and remember the relationship you have with the person you care for – which may not always be easy to do when you care for them day in and day you.

The bottom line is that the holidays are what you make them. Decide to preserve your own needs, and you can enjoy the season as well.

Being the primary caregiver for an aging adult can be a very stressful experience; luckily, there are lots of ways to reduce this stress and to bring your life back under control if the stress has already become a bit of a problem in your life.  Some of the best ways to cope with the stress include options for taking care of your own physical and mental health, while other options concern the care of the person for whom you are a caregiver.

The most important thing that most caregivers for aging adults sometimes forget is that a caregiver has their own emotions and life to deal with even while they are such a strong source of support for a sick loved one.  This feeling of wanting to be able to do absolutely everything can lead to very detrimental results.  Instead of trying to take care of everyone and everything 24 hours a day, remember that you have to take care of yourself in order to be useful as a caregiver for your loved one.  The best ways to ensure that you are taking good care of yourself are to keep your life in balance and to keep sleeping, exercising and eating well enough to be full of energy and in good spirits.

If your mind is too occupied with the impending loss of a terminally ill loved one, or you are feeling angry or guilty, sad or in doubt, it’s a good idea to consult your doctor.  If your symptoms include loss of sleep and being worried, you should contact your doctor right away.  Of course, it’s normal to worry about a loved one who is sick. If thoughts of how you will support yourself after your loved one is gone have you awake at night, you should tackle the worry straight on instead of letting it get the better of you.

Your doctor can suggest healthcare providers according to your needs.  If stress has resulted in back pain, it might be time for a trip to the physical therapist; likewise, if you’re so worried that your stomach is unable to handle any solid foods, a trip to a therapist may well be the best idea.  In addition to healthcare providers, there is also the valuable option of joining support groups for caregivers of the elderly.  Such groups exist both for in-person meetings as well as there being online support groups.

Joining a support group can offer valuable support from knowing that there are lots of other people out there in your community or out in the whole world who are dealing with similar issues to what you are dealing with in your own life.  It’s not just with the logistics of being a caregiver that having some support is beneficial; it is also extremely positive to share the burden of thoughts and emotions with other caregivers who are going through the same emotions as you are.

Take time for yourself: watch your favorite television shows or rent comedy movies to lighten your spirits.  Don’t let yourself become isolated; especially if the person for whom you are caring is not fully present mentally; make sure to invite others into the home or to leave the house periodically so that you can interact with other people on a regular basis.  There are lots of people in the world who can help you through the caregiving process; some of these people, like friends, family and church members or coworkers are already in your life.  There are a lot of other people out there though who are willing and able to help you if you take the time to seek them out.  Don’t be scared to ask for help…everyone needs some help, especially when it comes to something as physically and emotionally demanding as being a full-time caregiver.