Handling Caregiving During the Stressful Holiday Season
Caregiving is incredibly stressful at the best of times, but the holiday season can really add to the burden caregivers are carrying. There are many reasons the holiday season is usually not seen as a reason to celebrate for many caretakers. For one, the holidays can bring extra responsibilities, like shopping for gifts, hosting meals or parties, and the pressure to attend other holiday events. It can also be a time for increased emotional distress. The holidays generally mean that families come together – those same family members that have been unwilling to help you manage the caregiving burden throughout the rest of the year. Your caregiving responsibilities may mean that you don’t have the time you’d like to have to spend with other friends or attending holiday parties. Last but not least, it might be especially hard to cope with your loved one’s illness during the holidays, a time that is usually filled with memories of happier days.
If this sounds like the way you view the holidays as a caregiver, you should know that there are choices you can make to help the holiday season run a little more smoothly for you and to help you actually get some time to enjoy the season yourself. It all comes down to you being assertive about your needs and deciding how you’ll deal with the situations that arise. You can choose to have a happy holiday this year.
The first thing you have to come to terms with is seeing your family members that you might have some resentful feelings about. You probably want to confront them and insist that give you more help and show you some appreciation for the work you are doing. The holidays might make a handy time to have these conversations since everyone is gathered together, but you have to decide if the confrontation is worth the stress that it will cause you. If you know that it will cause a big blow up and you don’t want it hanging in the air, then choose to bite your tongue for now, enjoy your holiday, and confront your family after the season passes.
Next, you have to come up with some realistic idea of how much extra work you can put in over the holidays. Even if you are the usual host of the family holiday events – and it’s very common for the family member who has stepped up as caretaker to be the one who has stepped up for these kinds of events in the past – speak up and say that you simply can’t manage this year. If you must have the gathering in your home, ask other people to bring food so you don’t have the extra work to do. Likewise, be realistic about how much time you can spend attending holiday events yourself. Don’t feel obligated to accept every invitation, and don’t feel obligated to stay longer than you feel like when you do attend events. Make the decision not to take on the extra stress.
Last but not least, make sure to take some time out for you and your patient to enjoy some quiet time together on the holidays. Although you may be together all of the time, that may not be real, quality time. Even patients with dementia tend to hold on to their long term memories, so they may be very able to reminisce with you about holidays past. The holidays can be a special time for you as a caregiver to simply enjoy and remember the relationship you have with the person you care for – which may not always be easy to do when you care for them day in and day you.
The bottom line is that the holidays are what you make them. Decide to preserve your own needs, and you can enjoy the season as well.
