What happens when you want to take care of your elderly parent but they live in Texas while you live in Oregon? Long distance caregiving can be quite demanding and nerve wracking because you are wondering what is happening with your parent and how they are doing when you are not there to see them. Whether it is one hour or ten hours, you have to determine the best way to take care of your loved one’s needs long distance without robbing them of their self-confidence and sense of independence. Here are some strategies to get you started on your quest to efficient, yet caring of a loved one long distance:

1.  Organize your thoughts and actions. Get a lay of the land so to speak and understand where things stand in terms of your elderly parent’s general health, ability to care for themselves, mobility issues, cognitive and mental acuity and level of care needed. Without a true understanding of the situation, you will never be in command of it.

2.  Travel to see your ill loved one. This relates to number one above. In order to understand what is going on, you really need to visit your elderly parent in person and see for yourself where things stand. Schedule an appointment with your parent’s doctor. Make it a point to meet your parent’s neighbors and who they are friendly with – whether it is someone down the street, at church or through some other means. These connections will likely be your lifeline once you return home.

By having some friends and neighbors at the ready you have a built-in group reporting to you giving your progress reports on your loved one. They can stop by your aging parent’s home to offer assistance and companionship. They can take turns chauffeuring your loved one around on errands.

3.  Use the geriatric network in your parent’s area to locate the local centers or agencies on aging. If you are seeking any caregiving resources whatsoever, these agencies are your best bet when your hands are tied at a distance. If you need to find a home health care nurse, an assisted living facility or even a group home that deals with dementia, tap into this aging resource.

4.  Get the legalities out of the way. While it is difficult, you need to speak with your loved one regarding a will, setting up a trust or even a power of attorney so that you can act on their behalf in the even they become incapacitated.  It is best to do this while your loved one still understands what is going on.

5.  Tackle finances with your loved one. A joint ownership is one way to protect your loved one. Set up automatic bill pay and online banking so that your loved one does not have to worry about writing check to pay bills and you can balance their checkbook and the account online you’re your own home.

6.  Keep a plan of action in the event your loved one’s friends or local caregiver calls you with news of trouble. Having a plan means you do not have to think about what to do when you are stressed by the call that something is wrong with your ailing parent. Your one thought should be how to get to them, not having to research several different airlines and rental cars online for the best deals.

7.  Consider relocating your sick parent close to you, especially when their health has declined and the need for an in-home nursing assistance or 24 hour care is eminent. You have to examine your options of whether moving them in with you is the right choice or finding an assisted living or nursing facility.

8.  The final piece of advice is to not neglect your own needs during the caregiving process. You may end up so focused on the needs of your loved one that you may not immediately realize the stress you are under.

If you care for a loved one that is ill, then you know that every little bit of help you can get is good thing. Caring for someone is a job that never ends, which is a burden for you, but caring can also be a burden for the patient themselves. Many people who are being cared for want to be as independent as they possibly can, but little things get in the way. Sometimes, it’s easier for you to do something for them than for them to do it themselves, which leaves you feeling stressed, and them feeling guilty. This is where assistive technology can enter the picture. Assistive technology can help make your loved one more independent and help make the caring you do a lot easier. It’s an option that has helped many caretakers and patients alike.

Just what is assistive technology? It’s really just a fancy word that applies to any number of devices that make things easier to do. There are two kinds of assistive technology – low tech and high tech. Low tech assistive technology can be something as simple as a cane, a hearing aid, or a pair of glasses. High tech assistive technology can involve computer programs and sensors that let you know when a patient with dementia is trying to leave the house, for instance. Just about anything that helps someone accomplish something can be called an assistive technology.

Of course, not all assistive technology is right for everyone. You have to look long and hard at the needs of the person for whom you are caring before you go for assistive technology. For example, a shiny scooter to whisk your loved one around might look nice, but if they are fully mobile, it’s no use. If, on the other hand, their hearing is impaired, a hearing aid can make a world of difference. There are tons of assistive technology devices that make things are difficult for a person who needs caring, like personal hygiene, easier. Velcro, specially designed clothing and more can all give them the ability to dress themselves, and in turn, give them a self esteem boost and a feeling of independence. When you’re selecting the kinds of devices you need, make sure you evaluate the ones that will be most helpful for you. It can be easy to get distracted by things that look really “cool” but they may not be the things you need. Think about the biggest challenges you and your loved one face, and look for devices that meet those needs.

With so many different kinds of assistive devices out there, the prices vary wildly. Obviously something like Velcro can be very cheap, while something like a hoist to help you move a loved one out of bed and into a wheelchair can be extremely expensive. The good news is that if you need to get an expensive assistive technology device, there may be help available. Many of these devices are covered by Medicaid and most insurance plans. Some companies that sell these devices will even take care of the paperwork for you, so you don’t have one more responsibility to bear.

If you need help learning about the different options that are out there in assistive technology, start by checking with the doctor of the loved one you are looking after. They might have some good advice for you. You can also check with your local caregivers’ support group. The members there might be able to give you advice from experience, including what has helped them and what products to avoid. However you explore this avenue, make sure that you do. The burden it can lift from you and your loved one is enormous.

There is a big problem among adult caregivers these days that they either do not recognize or no one is talking about. The problem is called depression and as many as 25% of all adult caregivers suffer from this condition which is twice the national average of the population in general. These figures are actually quite conservative as many senior social agencies that provide resources to caregivers believe. In addition, once the caregiver’s duties are done with (usually due to the loved one’s death), depression can still occur or linger on.

Of all the adult caregivers, it seems that those who deal with dementia and Alzheimer’s disease in their loved one has a higher propensity for developing depression with it occurring in women twice as likely over men. The act of caregiving itself is not the cause of the depression but rather the feelings that stem from prolonged care. By the same token, not everyone experiences depression during the caregiving process either.

Why Depression Can Occur

Providing the best care to your loved one can mean giving up your own free time and making emotional and physical sacrifices. There is sometimes no time to call your own when you can decompress and relax. Always being in the “on” position can take its toll, even with the most efficient, competent person. It is quite normal for feelings of anger and resentment to crop up. There is also a feeling of loneliness and sadness in addition to anxiety and fatigue. Add those guilty emotions you have for even feeling these things and it is no wonder depression has become quite a problem among adult caregivers.

If you have never encountered depression before in others, you may perceive it as a weakness in yourself and ignore your feelings. This unbalanced feeling is not healthy and not only can it take a toll on your relationship with loved ones but also on yourself. Denying you have these conflicting emotions just makes things worse because you cannot will them away. Sometimes, you also may not realize you have depression because this condition manifests itself differently from one person to another. Plus depression symptoms do change in a situation over time. Here are some signs that might signal a depressive state:

1.  A feeling of fatigue all the time is one signal of depression that no amount of sleep will solve. In addition, depression can also cause changes in your sleep patterns. Either you will want to sleep too much or you do not get enough.

2.  Eating habits may change. Some people turn to food to try and assuage the feelings of guilt and frustration causing weight gain while others get a nervous stomach and do not eat enough because the food upsets them.

3.  Loss of interest in many activities that were once fun and neglecting personal relationships are both signs of depression. Feelings of inadequacy are quite common as well.

4.  Depression can manifest itself into actual physical symptoms that cannot be attributed to any other ailment. Headaches, non-specific pain on the body and digestive problems like irritable bowel syndrome are just a few of these physical symptoms of depression.

5.  Permanently ending things through suicide is one of the most drastic problems in depression in caregivers because they feel they have no escape and no where to turn.

If you feel any or all of these symptoms of depression, you should know that you are not alone. Do not shoulder the burden any longer. Seek help through friends, family, church, counselors or even your doctor. Do not hold things in but rather confide in someone. It takes time to bounce back but do what you can to make that happen. Participate in activities that were once favorites – and force yourself if you have to. Think positively too. Slowly you will feel the weight being lifted off your shoulders and the days will be brighter. However, you have to take that first step to do something about the depression.

Coping with the illness of a parent is difficult enough on its own, but often such a circumstance can cause conflicts between siblings. These kinds of conflicts can really escalate when a parent requires long terms care and someone needs to step in and take on the role of caregiver. They types of conflicts that come up differ from family to family, depending on several different factors, but it is important to know in advance that caregiving is potentially troublesome for sibling relationships so you can manage this from the outset – it will be one less burden everyone needs to carry during this difficult time.

The number one issue for siblings when it comes to caregiving roles is who is going to take on what responsibilities. The way this problem manifests itself, however, depends largely on the kind of relationship each sibling has with the parent and with each other. If the family is close and each sibling has a close relationship with the parent involved, then the conflict may come up as rivalry. Siblings may compete with who will provide the primary care for the parent, especially if the decision is made that someone will either have to move in with the parent or have the parent move into their home. The opposite problem will occur if the siblings and parents are not close. A history of bad feeling and estrangement between the siblings and the parent may leave the siblings arguing over which one of them has to provide the care, as neither of them wants to get too involved.

There is, of course, a middle ground to this issue, and that is the one where one sibling is the clear choice as the caretaker, and the other siblings remain involved on a limited basis. This situation can actually cause more resentment on the part of the caretaker than any other, as they may feel unduly burdened by taking on all of the care themselves, and they cannot see a good reason why their siblings are not helping. Understanding that your brother and mother do not get along and he remains uninvolved in her care is one thing. Seeing your brother breeze into town and stop by to say hello to your mother for 20 minutes on his way out of town on vacation when you haven’t been able to so much have a cup of coffee with a friend in months is quite another thing and much harder to take.

These problems don’t have to happen with you and your siblings if you’re ready to plan for them in advance. Anticipate the bumps in the road and try to avoid them. The most important thing you can do is make sure that everyone is involved in every decision that relates to the care of the parent. Not only will this help make sure no one feels left out, it will also give everyone a very clear picture of what exactly the caretaker has to deal with, so they may be more willing to jump in and help.

Another big help for siblings is to devise a schedule that meets everyone’s needs. Everyone is likely to have different levels of availability to provide care, but you should split up responsibilities as much as possible. Siblings who live out of town may be called on to contribute financially more while those in town can help with doctor’s visits, cleaning and so on.

For siblings, realizing a parent requires caregiving is a daunting discovery. The best way to make sure the parent gets what they need while the sibling relationships are protected is to make sure the communication doors are always open.

Assuming the role of caregiver for a loved one can be challenging and with the amount of stress and aggravation that comes with the job, you would think that the caregiver would rather turn the loved one over to a nursing home or other organized care facility. However, the opposite it true! While the trials and tribulations of caregiving can be quite intense, most of the time caregivers are grateful to have had that time with their loved ones. They report that it is an experience they were glad to have, despite the problems – financially, emotionally and physically. For them, the positive experiences far outweighed the negative and they would choose the caregiving role over again over institutional care. Here are a few of the reasons why:

1.  Life and responsibilities get in the way of maintaining close ties sometimes with family members so when one requires the need of a caregiver, you should view it as an opportunity. Daily care of the loved one entails personal contact so you often end up engaging in long conversations about anything and everything.

There is opportunity to talk about the important things in life as well as the inconsequential ones too. You get to know each other better and learn about family history. You can laugh together and share stories about family as well as forge new memories together. Talking openly and honestly about caregiving decisions and what the future holds will cement not only those familial ties but create a newfound intimacy that is priceless. If there has ever been a time to reconcile differences or seek forgiveness, this would be it.

2.  Caregiving, while it may fall to one person in particular, still has a way of forging bonds with other family members such as siblings who may share in the concern of the loved one. Collaborating with family forces communication, first to benefit the loved one who needs care and then it extends into other familial realms. You just might end up learning more about your family and appreciating the differences that everyone brings to the table. While deciding on caregiving responsibilities can be heartbreaking and stressful in certain situation, it also has a way to bring families together.

3.  Making a difference in someone’s life, especially a loved one like your parent, can be quite satisfying. Yes, it can be tiring, emotionally draining and nerve wracking at times but at the heart of it all, there is a strong love and need to give back the support that loved one always gave you. You may view the opportunity to take care of a loved one as a gift because the time you spend with them could not be recouped if they lived in a nursing home or some other institutional care. Many caregivers report that their families benefit through stronger familial ties with the loved one and positive ideals and principles are indoctrinated in their children.

4.  A whole new world is opened to you when you assume a caregiver role. All of the sudden you will find that many others around you are serving the same role and you are not alone. Through support groups and meetings, you will meet new people and learn so much about health care advances as well as tips on making your job easier. You end up forging new relationships that could last for years.

Playing the role of caregiver can be quite rewarding. However, as your loved one’s condition starts to decline, there is a fine line between the benefits of caregiving on your own and seeking an institution of some kind that could offer better care. Consulting with your loved one as well as your family and the doctor is important. Conditions such as Alzheimer’s disease could end up requiring 24 hour supervision, something you may not be equipped to handle. Knowing when institutional care is necessary is part of the growth process for a caregiver.

It is quite normal to feel overwhelmed when faced with assuming the role of caregiver. There are a number of people in this country who are now taking care of their parents in their declining years. You may have actually been a caregiver for years without realizing it before an accident or event changed your perception. Do you feel you are even a caregiver? Here are some signs that indicate you soon will be if you are not already:

1.  Your once vibrant dad is now being plagued with a lot of little health problems, nothing earth-shattering or life-threatening – but enough to hamper his lifestyle.

2.  You find your loved one’s bank statements and unpaid bills laying on their desk unopened when they were once really diligent about paying on time.

3.  Loss of interest in the hobbies or regular socializing your loved one normally does. Perhaps your elderly dad’s workshop has not been opened in a while or that weekly card game has now become a thing of the past.

4.  Regular household chores are not being done such as mowing the lawn, washing dishes or fixing a leak in the sink.

5.  There is not an adequate food supply present to feed your ailing parent or they become inattentive when cooking or baking, burning food.

6.  Grooming has become slack and your once polished parent is now a bit disheveled.

7.  Being distracted and inattentiveness in your loved one are also signs that you may soon become a caregiver.

If you feel that your parent may almost be ready for a caregiver, talk with them about it. Involve your aging parents in the process so they have some input in their own care. Of course, if there is some cognitive impairment in your parent, it is still important to include them in the decision-making. This will make them feel included and not so isolated about their situation. Help them navigate the internet on the computer so they can read for themselves the positive benefits of caregiving.

Once your role as caregiver is inevitable, create a job description so you know what to expect from yourself and get your loved one’s input as they will be the recipient of this care. Get other family members, friends and neighbors lined up and on board to serve stand-by for those times when you need help. If you do not have much of a support system, look into local home health care agencies or companions, depending on your loved one’s needs. Be sure to stick to the guidelines you set up for yourself and respect your time off because you will need it to recharge your internal batteries.

You do not have to shoulder the burden of caregiving alone. Check with the AAA, the Area Agency on Aging and look for a local office. They and many other entities like them can provide you with leads on home companions, nursing assistance and even assisted living facilities or adult day care. Know what your options are now before immersing yourself in the caregiving role.

If possible, involve your aging parent in your caregiving decisions. If you plan to use an adult day care, take them on a tour of the facility to ensure there will be enough activities to keep them engaged. Interviewing for a home health care nurse, allow your parent to meet with the interviewee. This will give you a chance to see how well they would interact together.

Find a positive spin for all of these caregiving changes in your aging parent’s life. If a companion is coming to the home to help cook and clean, tell your parent that now they don’t have to worry about those two chores, they have more time to visit with friends or indulge in a favorite pastime. All in all, the most important thing you can do is involve your loved one. Of course screen all possibilities first to weed out the chafe but take into consideration your loved one’s opinions. After all, they are the recipient of your caregiving efforts and should have a positive experience.

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The caregiver role can be quite rewarding yet it is also a challenging experience that not only tries you physically and mentally but emotionally as well. And when the caregiving lasts over a long period of time, the result is stress and a lot of it. You will feel all of these conflicting emotions that you feel guilty for experiencing especially when you have experienced such positive aspects in your caregiving relationship with your ailing loved one.

Of all the experiences you derive from caregiving, the emotional demands are perhaps the most draining. With stress held within the body physically, you can experience some relief with a hot bath or massage but what about the stress that resides in your emotions? You have to find some type of relief that touches your soul so you can rest at night and feel refreshed for the caregiving day ahead.

Each person needs something different when it comes to assuaging those emotional issues that builds up during your caregiving experience. Here are some problems you may experience along with some suggestions to consider for emotional relief:

1. Caregiving can tend to bring on a sense of isolation because your friends and family are out in the world while you are inside tending to your ill loved one.

Break that sense of isolation by getting out and taking a walk or a drive. If you have no one to relieve you at that moment, bundle up your loved in a wheelchair and roll them around the neighborhood park or take them for a drive in the country. Even a trip to the grocery store with your loved one in a motorized chair or wheelchair should help.

2. You might lack the time to engage in personal hobbies and relaxation time is hard to come by during your caregiving duties.

No one said that you should be the sole person caring for your loved one. If you are married, prevail on your spouse or even an older child to sit with your loved one and spend some time with them. You can then leave the house, meet a friend or do whatever you want. And best of all, other people are connecting to your loved one which means that they feel as if they are in the loop of activity and not isolated either.

3. You may feel that you have no one to turn to or that no one understands what you are going through. Overburdened is a natural effect of caregiving and you may also feel that you have no control over your life.

The bottom line is that you need to seek help for these feelings. Turn to a trusted friend, minister or counselor and talk about what you’re feeling. You need affirmation that it is ok to feel angry, sad, resentful and even guilty. Consider joining a support group for caregivers, others who have walking in the same overburdened shoes you are.

You have got to be realistic about the demands of caregiving and know up front that you are not going to be everything to everybody unless you get some help. Before you sign on as caregiver to your sick loved one, examine your home atmosphere, schedule and other aspects of your life. What would caregiving interrupt? How can you work around it? Who can you enlist to help when needed? Outlining some of the sources of potential emotional distress in advance means that you can work hard to avoid them during your caregiving tenure. That is not to say that you won’t ever experience stress but that you will recognize it for what it is and react accordingly before it morphs into a more serious problem.

It doesn’t matter whether the caregiver role was thrust upon you without much warning or you have slowly slid into it. Either way, the role of adult caregiver can be rather overwhelming, causing feelings of isolation, anxiety, sadness, trepidation, frustration and even resentment. These feelings are normal and not at all uncommon and you can expect them to come and go throughout your tenure as a caregiver. With these feelings also come positive moments of appreciation for the person you are caring for, compassion and understanding.

Every caregiving situation is unique due to various circumstances but there are various strategies to help you cope through the times ahead that are universal. If you find yourself in that adult caregiver role, you should arm yourself with as much information as possible so that you can not only learning coping skills but also create a plan of action which includes alternatives for anything unanticipated. Below are eight all-purpose strategies that can help:

1. Establish the groundwork for your caregiving role so that you can adequately make the necessary decisions. Talk with all parties involved from the loved one you are caring for as well as your siblings and other family members, and even social agencies who may help in providing care. You need a clear picture of when the problems started occurring and in what frequency. This information will help in preparing a treatment plan.

2. Meet with your loved one’s doctors and ensure your loved one has a comprehensive examination to test emotional, physical and mental health. You need to know everything in order to conduct your caregiving duties effectively. Educate yourself in regards to what you can expect as your loved one deteriorates so that you know when and how to react when caregiving needs change.

3. Assess your loved one’s needs and determine whether they can still live alone with daily help and intervention or whether they need to move in with you. The daily habits will need to be scrutinized such as personal care like eating and grooming, whether they can handle household chores like cooking, paying bills on time and cleaning, health management such as taking medications properly and even whether they can be safe by themselves or maintain personal relationships.

4. Create a plan that addresses the assessment you have made regarding your loved one. You may have to hire an adult caregiver during the day so you can work or find an adult day care. You might have to give up your job to care for them full-time or perhaps they could still live alone but you need to hire a companion to assist them. Hospitals, social work agencies and even governmental entities can help you cope with these decisions.

5. Evaluate your finances and that of your loved one. What type of care can they afford? Does insurance cover it? Will you have to pitch in financially? You might have to consult with a lawyer to outline all the financial assets your loved one has as well as possibly draw up any legal papers granting your rights should your loved one not be able to make decisions any longer.

6. Whether your loved one can still live at home or has to move in with you, there are likely safety issues you have to deal with. For physical infirmities, you will likely have to make plans to accommodate a wheelchair or install handicap implements such as a chair in the shower, rails for hallways and stairs and more. For cognitive issues, you might have to remove anything that could be potentially harmful such as knives, knobs on the stove so it cannot be used, fire-related devices and you may even have to install an alarm system so that they cannot wander off and get lost.

There are many things to consider when in the adult caregiver role and many of them are life altering not only for the loved one but also for you. While making plans for caregiving, be sure to care for yourself as well. Establish a support system for those times when you need a break and incorporate relaxation techniques and eat right. You cannot take care of a loved one if you cannot adequately take care of yourself.

The role of caregiver is a timeless occupation but the name is a rather modern phrase. Broken down, the word “care” means the treatment or attention received when in need and the word “giver” refers to someone who provides an object or service. Put together and “caregiver” means someone who provides nurturing attention and treatment in response to a need. When put like this, almost everyone could be a caregiver. A child is the caregiver of their pet while mom or dad is the caregiver of the children, providing food and clothing. However, caregiver predominantly refers an adult who provides treatment and attention to a loved one who is in health distress.

Caregiving typically starts slowly with you possibly running your loved one to the store or doctor so they don’t have to drive. This role morphs into larger responsibilities such as taking over bill paying and other financial aspects. As health and mental capacity declines, you (the caregiver) end up providing help with personal tasks such as toilet trips, grooming, assistance in eating and more.

The only way to avoid being a caregiver in any way is to have no ties with anyone, having no one to depend on you. Usually, this doesn’t happen so at some point, you will be a caregiver to someone (or even something). Luckily, if you are new to the whole “being responsible for someone else” thing, there are resources you can tap into for help. You just have to know where to start looki

If you find yourself starting to stop by your loved one’s home more often to cut their lawn or clean their house, you are a caregiver. When you play chauffeur and take them out so they do not have to drive, you are a caregiver. Moving your loved one into your home to avoid placing them in a nursing home means you are a caregiver.

While you may do a lot for your loved one, you can still always use more help in the caregiving process as you will need a break at some point. You can look to 24 hour respite care or even part-time companionship. Other family members can help in the caregiving process too. For more serious health conditions, hospice care may be available. Even if you cannot be with your loved one 24/7, you are still the caregiver because you are finding every avenue possible to ensure they are cared for and treated well.

There are a number of parts in the caregiving process but the most common ones are assisting in showering or bathing as well as grooming. Aid in dressing and going to the bathroom are also near the top of the list of things your loved one would likely need the most help with. Chores that need mental acuity such as taking medications at the right dosage and time or paying bills on time play a big part too.

Did you know that a little more than half of all adults who need care are seniors over 65 years of age? That is quite mind-boggling! Of that number, only a small percentage stays in a nursing facility or some other type of institutional care. This means there are many adult caregivers out there who perform tasks for a loved one for just a few hours a week to full time in-house care. These figures say many people do not realize they are caregivers. They believe they are just doing their familial duty. Just ask yourself – do you do anything for your loved one that takes care of some need? If the answer is yes then you are a caregiver. It’s that simple.

So, are you a caregiver?