There is a big problem among adult caregivers these days that they either do not recognize or no one is talking about. The problem is called depression and as many as 25% of all adult caregivers suffer from this condition which is twice the national average of the population in general. These figures are actually quite conservative as many senior social agencies that provide resources to caregivers believe. In addition, once the caregiver’s duties are done with (usually due to the loved one’s death), depression can still occur or linger on.

Of all the adult caregivers, it seems that those who deal with dementia and Alzheimer’s disease in their loved one has a higher propensity for developing depression with it occurring in women twice as likely over men. The act of caregiving itself is not the cause of the depression but rather the feelings that stem from prolonged care. By the same token, not everyone experiences depression during the caregiving process either.

Why Depression Can Occur

Providing the best care to your loved one can mean giving up your own free time and making emotional and physical sacrifices. There is sometimes no time to call your own when you can decompress and relax. Always being in the “on” position can take its toll, even with the most efficient, competent person. It is quite normal for feelings of anger and resentment to crop up. There is also a feeling of loneliness and sadness in addition to anxiety and fatigue. Add those guilty emotions you have for even feeling these things and it is no wonder depression has become quite a problem among adult caregivers.

If you have never encountered depression before in others, you may perceive it as a weakness in yourself and ignore your feelings. This unbalanced feeling is not healthy and not only can it take a toll on your relationship with loved ones but also on yourself. Denying you have these conflicting emotions just makes things worse because you cannot will them away. Sometimes, you also may not realize you have depression because this condition manifests itself differently from one person to another. Plus depression symptoms do change in a situation over time. Here are some signs that might signal a depressive state:

1.  A feeling of fatigue all the time is one signal of depression that no amount of sleep will solve. In addition, depression can also cause changes in your sleep patterns. Either you will want to sleep too much or you do not get enough.

2.  Eating habits may change. Some people turn to food to try and assuage the feelings of guilt and frustration causing weight gain while others get a nervous stomach and do not eat enough because the food upsets them.

3.  Loss of interest in many activities that were once fun and neglecting personal relationships are both signs of depression. Feelings of inadequacy are quite common as well.

4.  Depression can manifest itself into actual physical symptoms that cannot be attributed to any other ailment. Headaches, non-specific pain on the body and digestive problems like irritable bowel syndrome are just a few of these physical symptoms of depression.

5.  Permanently ending things through suicide is one of the most drastic problems in depression in caregivers because they feel they have no escape and no where to turn.

If you feel any or all of these symptoms of depression, you should know that you are not alone. Do not shoulder the burden any longer. Seek help through friends, family, church, counselors or even your doctor. Do not hold things in but rather confide in someone. It takes time to bounce back but do what you can to make that happen. Participate in activities that were once favorites – and force yourself if you have to. Think positively too. Slowly you will feel the weight being lifted off your shoulders and the days will be brighter. However, you have to take that first step to do something about the depression.

Coping with the illness of a parent is difficult enough on its own, but often such a circumstance can cause conflicts between siblings. These kinds of conflicts can really escalate when a parent requires long terms care and someone needs to step in and take on the role of caregiver. They types of conflicts that come up differ from family to family, depending on several different factors, but it is important to know in advance that caregiving is potentially troublesome for sibling relationships so you can manage this from the outset – it will be one less burden everyone needs to carry during this difficult time.

The number one issue for siblings when it comes to caregiving roles is who is going to take on what responsibilities. The way this problem manifests itself, however, depends largely on the kind of relationship each sibling has with the parent and with each other. If the family is close and each sibling has a close relationship with the parent involved, then the conflict may come up as rivalry. Siblings may compete with who will provide the primary care for the parent, especially if the decision is made that someone will either have to move in with the parent or have the parent move into their home. The opposite problem will occur if the siblings and parents are not close. A history of bad feeling and estrangement between the siblings and the parent may leave the siblings arguing over which one of them has to provide the care, as neither of them wants to get too involved.

There is, of course, a middle ground to this issue, and that is the one where one sibling is the clear choice as the caretaker, and the other siblings remain involved on a limited basis. This situation can actually cause more resentment on the part of the caretaker than any other, as they may feel unduly burdened by taking on all of the care themselves, and they cannot see a good reason why their siblings are not helping. Understanding that your brother and mother do not get along and he remains uninvolved in her care is one thing. Seeing your brother breeze into town and stop by to say hello to your mother for 20 minutes on his way out of town on vacation when you haven’t been able to so much have a cup of coffee with a friend in months is quite another thing and much harder to take.

These problems don’t have to happen with you and your siblings if you’re ready to plan for them in advance. Anticipate the bumps in the road and try to avoid them. The most important thing you can do is make sure that everyone is involved in every decision that relates to the care of the parent. Not only will this help make sure no one feels left out, it will also give everyone a very clear picture of what exactly the caretaker has to deal with, so they may be more willing to jump in and help.

Another big help for siblings is to devise a schedule that meets everyone’s needs. Everyone is likely to have different levels of availability to provide care, but you should split up responsibilities as much as possible. Siblings who live out of town may be called on to contribute financially more while those in town can help with doctor’s visits, cleaning and so on.

For siblings, realizing a parent requires caregiving is a daunting discovery. The best way to make sure the parent gets what they need while the sibling relationships are protected is to make sure the communication doors are always open.