Coping with the illness of a parent is difficult enough on its own, but often such a circumstance can cause conflicts between siblings. These kinds of conflicts can really escalate when a parent requires long terms care and someone needs to step in and take on the role of caregiver. They types of conflicts that come up differ from family to family, depending on several different factors, but it is important to know in advance that caregiving is potentially troublesome for sibling relationships so you can manage this from the outset – it will be one less burden everyone needs to carry during this difficult time.

The number one issue for siblings when it comes to caregiving roles is who is going to take on what responsibilities. The way this problem manifests itself, however, depends largely on the kind of relationship each sibling has with the parent and with each other. If the family is close and each sibling has a close relationship with the parent involved, then the conflict may come up as rivalry. Siblings may compete with who will provide the primary care for the parent, especially if the decision is made that someone will either have to move in with the parent or have the parent move into their home. The opposite problem will occur if the siblings and parents are not close. A history of bad feeling and estrangement between the siblings and the parent may leave the siblings arguing over which one of them has to provide the care, as neither of them wants to get too involved.

There is, of course, a middle ground to this issue, and that is the one where one sibling is the clear choice as the caretaker, and the other siblings remain involved on a limited basis. This situation can actually cause more resentment on the part of the caretaker than any other, as they may feel unduly burdened by taking on all of the care themselves, and they cannot see a good reason why their siblings are not helping. Understanding that your brother and mother do not get along and he remains uninvolved in her care is one thing. Seeing your brother breeze into town and stop by to say hello to your mother for 20 minutes on his way out of town on vacation when you haven’t been able to so much have a cup of coffee with a friend in months is quite another thing and much harder to take.

These problems don’t have to happen with you and your siblings if you’re ready to plan for them in advance. Anticipate the bumps in the road and try to avoid them. The most important thing you can do is make sure that everyone is involved in every decision that relates to the care of the parent. Not only will this help make sure no one feels left out, it will also give everyone a very clear picture of what exactly the caretaker has to deal with, so they may be more willing to jump in and help.

Another big help for siblings is to devise a schedule that meets everyone’s needs. Everyone is likely to have different levels of availability to provide care, but you should split up responsibilities as much as possible. Siblings who live out of town may be called on to contribute financially more while those in town can help with doctor’s visits, cleaning and so on.

For siblings, realizing a parent requires caregiving is a daunting discovery. The best way to make sure the parent gets what they need while the sibling relationships are protected is to make sure the communication doors are always open.

The caregiver role can be quite rewarding yet it is also a challenging experience that not only tries you physically and mentally but emotionally as well. And when the caregiving lasts over a long period of time, the result is stress and a lot of it. You will feel all of these conflicting emotions that you feel guilty for experiencing especially when you have experienced such positive aspects in your caregiving relationship with your ailing loved one.

Of all the experiences you derive from caregiving, the emotional demands are perhaps the most draining. With stress held within the body physically, you can experience some relief with a hot bath or massage but what about the stress that resides in your emotions? You have to find some type of relief that touches your soul so you can rest at night and feel refreshed for the caregiving day ahead.

Each person needs something different when it comes to assuaging those emotional issues that builds up during your caregiving experience. Here are some problems you may experience along with some suggestions to consider for emotional relief:

1. Caregiving can tend to bring on a sense of isolation because your friends and family are out in the world while you are inside tending to your ill loved one.

Break that sense of isolation by getting out and taking a walk or a drive. If you have no one to relieve you at that moment, bundle up your loved in a wheelchair and roll them around the neighborhood park or take them for a drive in the country. Even a trip to the grocery store with your loved one in a motorized chair or wheelchair should help.

2. You might lack the time to engage in personal hobbies and relaxation time is hard to come by during your caregiving duties.

No one said that you should be the sole person caring for your loved one. If you are married, prevail on your spouse or even an older child to sit with your loved one and spend some time with them. You can then leave the house, meet a friend or do whatever you want. And best of all, other people are connecting to your loved one which means that they feel as if they are in the loop of activity and not isolated either.

3. You may feel that you have no one to turn to or that no one understands what you are going through. Overburdened is a natural effect of caregiving and you may also feel that you have no control over your life.

The bottom line is that you need to seek help for these feelings. Turn to a trusted friend, minister or counselor and talk about what you’re feeling. You need affirmation that it is ok to feel angry, sad, resentful and even guilty. Consider joining a support group for caregivers, others who have walking in the same overburdened shoes you are.

You have got to be realistic about the demands of caregiving and know up front that you are not going to be everything to everybody unless you get some help. Before you sign on as caregiver to your sick loved one, examine your home atmosphere, schedule and other aspects of your life. What would caregiving interrupt? How can you work around it? Who can you enlist to help when needed? Outlining some of the sources of potential emotional distress in advance means that you can work hard to avoid them during your caregiving tenure. That is not to say that you won’t ever experience stress but that you will recognize it for what it is and react accordingly before it morphs into a more serious problem.