There is a big problem among adult caregivers these days that they either do not recognize or no one is talking about. The problem is called depression and as many as 25% of all adult caregivers suffer from this condition which is twice the national average of the population in general. These figures are actually quite conservative as many senior social agencies that provide resources to caregivers believe. In addition, once the caregiver’s duties are done with (usually due to the loved one’s death), depression can still occur or linger on.

Of all the adult caregivers, it seems that those who deal with dementia and Alzheimer’s disease in their loved one has a higher propensity for developing depression with it occurring in women twice as likely over men. The act of caregiving itself is not the cause of the depression but rather the feelings that stem from prolonged care. By the same token, not everyone experiences depression during the caregiving process either.

Why Depression Can Occur

Providing the best care to your loved one can mean giving up your own free time and making emotional and physical sacrifices. There is sometimes no time to call your own when you can decompress and relax. Always being in the “on” position can take its toll, even with the most efficient, competent person. It is quite normal for feelings of anger and resentment to crop up. There is also a feeling of loneliness and sadness in addition to anxiety and fatigue. Add those guilty emotions you have for even feeling these things and it is no wonder depression has become quite a problem among adult caregivers.

If you have never encountered depression before in others, you may perceive it as a weakness in yourself and ignore your feelings. This unbalanced feeling is not healthy and not only can it take a toll on your relationship with loved ones but also on yourself. Denying you have these conflicting emotions just makes things worse because you cannot will them away. Sometimes, you also may not realize you have depression because this condition manifests itself differently from one person to another. Plus depression symptoms do change in a situation over time. Here are some signs that might signal a depressive state:

1.  A feeling of fatigue all the time is one signal of depression that no amount of sleep will solve. In addition, depression can also cause changes in your sleep patterns. Either you will want to sleep too much or you do not get enough.

2.  Eating habits may change. Some people turn to food to try and assuage the feelings of guilt and frustration causing weight gain while others get a nervous stomach and do not eat enough because the food upsets them.

3.  Loss of interest in many activities that were once fun and neglecting personal relationships are both signs of depression. Feelings of inadequacy are quite common as well.

4.  Depression can manifest itself into actual physical symptoms that cannot be attributed to any other ailment. Headaches, non-specific pain on the body and digestive problems like irritable bowel syndrome are just a few of these physical symptoms of depression.

5.  Permanently ending things through suicide is one of the most drastic problems in depression in caregivers because they feel they have no escape and no where to turn.

If you feel any or all of these symptoms of depression, you should know that you are not alone. Do not shoulder the burden any longer. Seek help through friends, family, church, counselors or even your doctor. Do not hold things in but rather confide in someone. It takes time to bounce back but do what you can to make that happen. Participate in activities that were once favorites – and force yourself if you have to. Think positively too. Slowly you will feel the weight being lifted off your shoulders and the days will be brighter. However, you have to take that first step to do something about the depression.

Caregiving is a rewarding experience as well as being a whole lot of work and being extremely stressful at times. Many people only hear about the negative aspects of being a caregiver for a family member; the positive impact of being a caregiver is seldom a focus of the media and general conversations about caregiving.

Most full-time caregivers are caring for either an elderly parent or an aging spouse. In the case of parents who are aging, significant areas of stress in the situation include the time needed in order to properly care for an elderly person at home as well as the financial and organizational efforts needed to coordinate care. Many family disputes arise when siblings are in disagreement about what the proper route of care should be. In this sort of family situation, there is often a lot of stress between siblings and spouses; however, the benefits of caring for an aging parent are usually quite apparent.

Grown adults who take care of their elderly parents often forge new relationships with their parents and gain a whole new perspective on their family’s past through the experience of reversing the caregiver—dependent party relationship. Another common area where a lot of benefits are found is that spending so much time with an aging parent means incredible powers of bonding in many situations.

These positive benefits enjoyed by the grown children of elderly parents are sometimes the same benefits enjoyed by a spouse who becomes the caregiver of their husband or wife. In other situations, these same benefits are not found in this different caregiving situation. For some couples, a new implicit understanding develops between them when they spend their entire day together. In other situations, these two aging partners, one with significant need of help and the other being the source of that help, it can be the case that these two partners grow angry and hostile with each other instead of finding a new peace and understanding in their relationship.

Even if this is the case, there is a silver lining to be found if the caregiver gets enough support for him or herself. An important thing to emphasize is that the stresses and concerns of an adult caregiver are 100% real. The physical demands of being responsible for another person (who is potentially as physically large as you) are significant. In addition to the physical demands, the amount of time needed is substantial and the amount of patience and understanding that is needed can be overwhelming, especially in cases where the mind of the other person is deteriorating. An important thing to remember is that the caregiver has to have a support network, time to him or herself, and a healthy lifestyle in order to be a successful caregiver.

Some adult caregivers find a new respect for their own well-being through the experience of taking care of someone else. The doctor of a caregiver, as well as his or her friends and family will tell them often to take care of themselves, both in terms of physical health and mental health. Caregivers need full nights of sleep and a well-balanced diet, not to mention sufficient exercise and a stable mental life. Caregivers often see this demand to take care of their own life in order to be capable of taking care of their spouse as one of the most positive results of being a caregiver. Not only do you spend time and energy on the person you love, but you also have to take the time and energy to keep yourself well. This makes both members of a couple happier and healthier in the long run, which is what caregiving is all about.

It doesn’t matter whether the caregiver role was thrust upon you without much warning or you have slowly slid into it. Either way, the role of adult caregiver can be rather overwhelming, causing feelings of isolation, anxiety, sadness, trepidation, frustration and even resentment. These feelings are normal and not at all uncommon and you can expect them to come and go throughout your tenure as a caregiver. With these feelings also come positive moments of appreciation for the person you are caring for, compassion and understanding.

Every caregiving situation is unique due to various circumstances but there are various strategies to help you cope through the times ahead that are universal. If you find yourself in that adult caregiver role, you should arm yourself with as much information as possible so that you can not only learning coping skills but also create a plan of action which includes alternatives for anything unanticipated. Below are eight all-purpose strategies that can help:

1. Establish the groundwork for your caregiving role so that you can adequately make the necessary decisions. Talk with all parties involved from the loved one you are caring for as well as your siblings and other family members, and even social agencies who may help in providing care. You need a clear picture of when the problems started occurring and in what frequency. This information will help in preparing a treatment plan.

2. Meet with your loved one’s doctors and ensure your loved one has a comprehensive examination to test emotional, physical and mental health. You need to know everything in order to conduct your caregiving duties effectively. Educate yourself in regards to what you can expect as your loved one deteriorates so that you know when and how to react when caregiving needs change.

3. Assess your loved one’s needs and determine whether they can still live alone with daily help and intervention or whether they need to move in with you. The daily habits will need to be scrutinized such as personal care like eating and grooming, whether they can handle household chores like cooking, paying bills on time and cleaning, health management such as taking medications properly and even whether they can be safe by themselves or maintain personal relationships.

4. Create a plan that addresses the assessment you have made regarding your loved one. You may have to hire an adult caregiver during the day so you can work or find an adult day care. You might have to give up your job to care for them full-time or perhaps they could still live alone but you need to hire a companion to assist them. Hospitals, social work agencies and even governmental entities can help you cope with these decisions.

5. Evaluate your finances and that of your loved one. What type of care can they afford? Does insurance cover it? Will you have to pitch in financially? You might have to consult with a lawyer to outline all the financial assets your loved one has as well as possibly draw up any legal papers granting your rights should your loved one not be able to make decisions any longer.

6. Whether your loved one can still live at home or has to move in with you, there are likely safety issues you have to deal with. For physical infirmities, you will likely have to make plans to accommodate a wheelchair or install handicap implements such as a chair in the shower, rails for hallways and stairs and more. For cognitive issues, you might have to remove anything that could be potentially harmful such as knives, knobs on the stove so it cannot be used, fire-related devices and you may even have to install an alarm system so that they cannot wander off and get lost.

There are many things to consider when in the adult caregiver role and many of them are life altering not only for the loved one but also for you. While making plans for caregiving, be sure to care for yourself as well. Establish a support system for those times when you need a break and incorporate relaxation techniques and eat right. You cannot take care of a loved one if you cannot adequately take care of yourself.