There is a big problem among adult caregivers these days that they either do not recognize or no one is talking about. The problem is called depression and as many as 25% of all adult caregivers suffer from this condition which is twice the national average of the population in general. These figures are actually quite conservative as many senior social agencies that provide resources to caregivers believe. In addition, once the caregiver’s duties are done with (usually due to the loved one’s death), depression can still occur or linger on.

Of all the adult caregivers, it seems that those who deal with dementia and Alzheimer’s disease in their loved one has a higher propensity for developing depression with it occurring in women twice as likely over men. The act of caregiving itself is not the cause of the depression but rather the feelings that stem from prolonged care. By the same token, not everyone experiences depression during the caregiving process either.

Why Depression Can Occur

Providing the best care to your loved one can mean giving up your own free time and making emotional and physical sacrifices. There is sometimes no time to call your own when you can decompress and relax. Always being in the “on” position can take its toll, even with the most efficient, competent person. It is quite normal for feelings of anger and resentment to crop up. There is also a feeling of loneliness and sadness in addition to anxiety and fatigue. Add those guilty emotions you have for even feeling these things and it is no wonder depression has become quite a problem among adult caregivers.

If you have never encountered depression before in others, you may perceive it as a weakness in yourself and ignore your feelings. This unbalanced feeling is not healthy and not only can it take a toll on your relationship with loved ones but also on yourself. Denying you have these conflicting emotions just makes things worse because you cannot will them away. Sometimes, you also may not realize you have depression because this condition manifests itself differently from one person to another. Plus depression symptoms do change in a situation over time. Here are some signs that might signal a depressive state:

1.  A feeling of fatigue all the time is one signal of depression that no amount of sleep will solve. In addition, depression can also cause changes in your sleep patterns. Either you will want to sleep too much or you do not get enough.

2.  Eating habits may change. Some people turn to food to try and assuage the feelings of guilt and frustration causing weight gain while others get a nervous stomach and do not eat enough because the food upsets them.

3.  Loss of interest in many activities that were once fun and neglecting personal relationships are both signs of depression. Feelings of inadequacy are quite common as well.

4.  Depression can manifest itself into actual physical symptoms that cannot be attributed to any other ailment. Headaches, non-specific pain on the body and digestive problems like irritable bowel syndrome are just a few of these physical symptoms of depression.

5.  Permanently ending things through suicide is one of the most drastic problems in depression in caregivers because they feel they have no escape and no where to turn.

If you feel any or all of these symptoms of depression, you should know that you are not alone. Do not shoulder the burden any longer. Seek help through friends, family, church, counselors or even your doctor. Do not hold things in but rather confide in someone. It takes time to bounce back but do what you can to make that happen. Participate in activities that were once favorites – and force yourself if you have to. Think positively too. Slowly you will feel the weight being lifted off your shoulders and the days will be brighter. However, you have to take that first step to do something about the depression.

Coping with the illness of a parent is difficult enough on its own, but often such a circumstance can cause conflicts between siblings. These kinds of conflicts can really escalate when a parent requires long terms care and someone needs to step in and take on the role of caregiver. They types of conflicts that come up differ from family to family, depending on several different factors, but it is important to know in advance that caregiving is potentially troublesome for sibling relationships so you can manage this from the outset – it will be one less burden everyone needs to carry during this difficult time.

The number one issue for siblings when it comes to caregiving roles is who is going to take on what responsibilities. The way this problem manifests itself, however, depends largely on the kind of relationship each sibling has with the parent and with each other. If the family is close and each sibling has a close relationship with the parent involved, then the conflict may come up as rivalry. Siblings may compete with who will provide the primary care for the parent, especially if the decision is made that someone will either have to move in with the parent or have the parent move into their home. The opposite problem will occur if the siblings and parents are not close. A history of bad feeling and estrangement between the siblings and the parent may leave the siblings arguing over which one of them has to provide the care, as neither of them wants to get too involved.

There is, of course, a middle ground to this issue, and that is the one where one sibling is the clear choice as the caretaker, and the other siblings remain involved on a limited basis. This situation can actually cause more resentment on the part of the caretaker than any other, as they may feel unduly burdened by taking on all of the care themselves, and they cannot see a good reason why their siblings are not helping. Understanding that your brother and mother do not get along and he remains uninvolved in her care is one thing. Seeing your brother breeze into town and stop by to say hello to your mother for 20 minutes on his way out of town on vacation when you haven’t been able to so much have a cup of coffee with a friend in months is quite another thing and much harder to take.

These problems don’t have to happen with you and your siblings if you’re ready to plan for them in advance. Anticipate the bumps in the road and try to avoid them. The most important thing you can do is make sure that everyone is involved in every decision that relates to the care of the parent. Not only will this help make sure no one feels left out, it will also give everyone a very clear picture of what exactly the caretaker has to deal with, so they may be more willing to jump in and help.

Another big help for siblings is to devise a schedule that meets everyone’s needs. Everyone is likely to have different levels of availability to provide care, but you should split up responsibilities as much as possible. Siblings who live out of town may be called on to contribute financially more while those in town can help with doctor’s visits, cleaning and so on.

For siblings, realizing a parent requires caregiving is a daunting discovery. The best way to make sure the parent gets what they need while the sibling relationships are protected is to make sure the communication doors are always open.

It is quite normal to feel overwhelmed when faced with assuming the role of caregiver. There are a number of people in this country who are now taking care of their parents in their declining years. You may have actually been a caregiver for years without realizing it before an accident or event changed your perception. Do you feel you are even a caregiver? Here are some signs that indicate you soon will be if you are not already:

1.  Your once vibrant dad is now being plagued with a lot of little health problems, nothing earth-shattering or life-threatening – but enough to hamper his lifestyle.

2.  You find your loved one’s bank statements and unpaid bills laying on their desk unopened when they were once really diligent about paying on time.

3.  Loss of interest in the hobbies or regular socializing your loved one normally does. Perhaps your elderly dad’s workshop has not been opened in a while or that weekly card game has now become a thing of the past.

4.  Regular household chores are not being done such as mowing the lawn, washing dishes or fixing a leak in the sink.

5.  There is not an adequate food supply present to feed your ailing parent or they become inattentive when cooking or baking, burning food.

6.  Grooming has become slack and your once polished parent is now a bit disheveled.

7.  Being distracted and inattentiveness in your loved one are also signs that you may soon become a caregiver.

If you feel that your parent may almost be ready for a caregiver, talk with them about it. Involve your aging parents in the process so they have some input in their own care. Of course, if there is some cognitive impairment in your parent, it is still important to include them in the decision-making. This will make them feel included and not so isolated about their situation. Help them navigate the internet on the computer so they can read for themselves the positive benefits of caregiving.

Once your role as caregiver is inevitable, create a job description so you know what to expect from yourself and get your loved one’s input as they will be the recipient of this care. Get other family members, friends and neighbors lined up and on board to serve stand-by for those times when you need help. If you do not have much of a support system, look into local home health care agencies or companions, depending on your loved one’s needs. Be sure to stick to the guidelines you set up for yourself and respect your time off because you will need it to recharge your internal batteries.

You do not have to shoulder the burden of caregiving alone. Check with the AAA, the Area Agency on Aging and look for a local office. They and many other entities like them can provide you with leads on home companions, nursing assistance and even assisted living facilities or adult day care. Know what your options are now before immersing yourself in the caregiving role.

If possible, involve your aging parent in your caregiving decisions. If you plan to use an adult day care, take them on a tour of the facility to ensure there will be enough activities to keep them engaged. Interviewing for a home health care nurse, allow your parent to meet with the interviewee. This will give you a chance to see how well they would interact together.

Find a positive spin for all of these caregiving changes in your aging parent’s life. If a companion is coming to the home to help cook and clean, tell your parent that now they don’t have to worry about those two chores, they have more time to visit with friends or indulge in a favorite pastime. All in all, the most important thing you can do is involve your loved one. Of course screen all possibilities first to weed out the chafe but take into consideration your loved one’s opinions. After all, they are the recipient of your caregiving efforts and should have a positive experience.

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Thanks to better healthcare and information about nutrition and healthy diets, people are living longer and this means a growing population of seniors. With the increase of seniors comes an increase in Alzheimer’s disease, dementia, stroke, Parkinson’s disease and many other ailments that normally strike that age set. Not only do these illnesses prove debilitating to the person but the ripple effect extends to the family who now must take care of them. There are millions of people who are trying to juggle a career with children, their ailing loved one’s caregiving and other obligations.

You may seem alone in your caregiving duties but many studies show that at least 25% of all households in the country are caring for an ill loved one, usually a parent 55 years of age or older. These loved ones either need full-time caregiving, daily assistance for everyday tasks or somewhere in between. About 40% of caregivers in this country work outside the home so this means they are sacrificing their free, relaxation time to care for a loved one and are even losing quality time with their spouse and children. Work productivity goes down because of time off from the job to devote to caregiving, a reduction of hours or even having to quit altogether. This leads to loss of income and less money being invested in their retirements. You may be part of this group who is playing juggler too. While there is legal acts like the Family Medical Leave Act which helps keep your job secure (if unpaid) when you need to take time off to tend to the caregiving of a loved one.

If you are a juggler and feeling increasingly tired of all the obligations, there is a wealth of community resources available to help you in your quest to provide the best care possible for your loved one. From casual arrangements with neighbors, family and friends to structured care in nursing facilities, there are many options available to you.

Assessing your Loved One’s Caregiving Needs

Examine your daily schedule to see where you need help the most when caring for your loved one. Is it while you are at work? Perhaps you have obligations in the evenings with your kids and need help during that time. Know up front what you need before enlisting help. Also, you need to consider what type of care your loved one will need. Do they need 24-hour supervision due to dementia? Can they get around in the home and just need help with errands and transportation? Do you need other around the clock nursing care?

Once you have an idea of the type of care your loved one needs as well as the scheduling, consult with your loved one’s insurance company to see what type of coverage is available for nursing, caregiving and other  services. Long-term care insurance is usually not included in most regular health plans so you may have to see what you could afford to supplement the caregiving.

Finding those Resources

When your caregiving and that of friends and other family is not quite enough, you can turn to community resources to fill in the gaps. From in-home care to just daily visits from a home care companion, there are a number of options – and some even offer transportation so your work day is not interrupted.

In-home care is usually contracted through an agency, particularly if your loved one is dealing with an ailment that requires constant care or specialized training from a nurse or licensed medical attendant. There are agencies you can go through if you are hiring a companion for your loved one or you could even put an ad in the paper and interview candidates.

Adult day cares are an option if you must work and need a daily outlet for your loved one. These day cares offer everything from specialized care for dementia patients to activities such as games, crafts, exercise and more. Some programs serve lunch and some don’t while others may have pick-up to and from the home.

When you can no longer handle the caregiving duties on your own, there are nursing and assisted living facilities, depending on the level of care needed as well as group homes when 24-hour specialized care is needed. You must evaluate your situation from the health of your loved one to what you can and cannot handle care-wise. Finances and insurance are also issues that must be dealt with. If you can plan ahead with your loved one before they get sick or develop some type of impairment, it will be much better for you later when you have to deal with it.

The caregiver role can be quite rewarding yet it is also a challenging experience that not only tries you physically and mentally but emotionally as well. And when the caregiving lasts over a long period of time, the result is stress and a lot of it. You will feel all of these conflicting emotions that you feel guilty for experiencing especially when you have experienced such positive aspects in your caregiving relationship with your ailing loved one.

Of all the experiences you derive from caregiving, the emotional demands are perhaps the most draining. With stress held within the body physically, you can experience some relief with a hot bath or massage but what about the stress that resides in your emotions? You have to find some type of relief that touches your soul so you can rest at night and feel refreshed for the caregiving day ahead.

Each person needs something different when it comes to assuaging those emotional issues that builds up during your caregiving experience. Here are some problems you may experience along with some suggestions to consider for emotional relief:

1. Caregiving can tend to bring on a sense of isolation because your friends and family are out in the world while you are inside tending to your ill loved one.

Break that sense of isolation by getting out and taking a walk or a drive. If you have no one to relieve you at that moment, bundle up your loved in a wheelchair and roll them around the neighborhood park or take them for a drive in the country. Even a trip to the grocery store with your loved one in a motorized chair or wheelchair should help.

2. You might lack the time to engage in personal hobbies and relaxation time is hard to come by during your caregiving duties.

No one said that you should be the sole person caring for your loved one. If you are married, prevail on your spouse or even an older child to sit with your loved one and spend some time with them. You can then leave the house, meet a friend or do whatever you want. And best of all, other people are connecting to your loved one which means that they feel as if they are in the loop of activity and not isolated either.

3. You may feel that you have no one to turn to or that no one understands what you are going through. Overburdened is a natural effect of caregiving and you may also feel that you have no control over your life.

The bottom line is that you need to seek help for these feelings. Turn to a trusted friend, minister or counselor and talk about what you’re feeling. You need affirmation that it is ok to feel angry, sad, resentful and even guilty. Consider joining a support group for caregivers, others who have walking in the same overburdened shoes you are.

You have got to be realistic about the demands of caregiving and know up front that you are not going to be everything to everybody unless you get some help. Before you sign on as caregiver to your sick loved one, examine your home atmosphere, schedule and other aspects of your life. What would caregiving interrupt? How can you work around it? Who can you enlist to help when needed? Outlining some of the sources of potential emotional distress in advance means that you can work hard to avoid them during your caregiving tenure. That is not to say that you won’t ever experience stress but that you will recognize it for what it is and react accordingly before it morphs into a more serious problem.

The role of caregiver is a timeless occupation but the name is a rather modern phrase. Broken down, the word “care” means the treatment or attention received when in need and the word “giver” refers to someone who provides an object or service. Put together and “caregiver” means someone who provides nurturing attention and treatment in response to a need. When put like this, almost everyone could be a caregiver. A child is the caregiver of their pet while mom or dad is the caregiver of the children, providing food and clothing. However, caregiver predominantly refers an adult who provides treatment and attention to a loved one who is in health distress.

Caregiving typically starts slowly with you possibly running your loved one to the store or doctor so they don’t have to drive. This role morphs into larger responsibilities such as taking over bill paying and other financial aspects. As health and mental capacity declines, you (the caregiver) end up providing help with personal tasks such as toilet trips, grooming, assistance in eating and more.

The only way to avoid being a caregiver in any way is to have no ties with anyone, having no one to depend on you. Usually, this doesn’t happen so at some point, you will be a caregiver to someone (or even something). Luckily, if you are new to the whole “being responsible for someone else” thing, there are resources you can tap into for help. You just have to know where to start looki

If you find yourself starting to stop by your loved one’s home more often to cut their lawn or clean their house, you are a caregiver. When you play chauffeur and take them out so they do not have to drive, you are a caregiver. Moving your loved one into your home to avoid placing them in a nursing home means you are a caregiver.

While you may do a lot for your loved one, you can still always use more help in the caregiving process as you will need a break at some point. You can look to 24 hour respite care or even part-time companionship. Other family members can help in the caregiving process too. For more serious health conditions, hospice care may be available. Even if you cannot be with your loved one 24/7, you are still the caregiver because you are finding every avenue possible to ensure they are cared for and treated well.

There are a number of parts in the caregiving process but the most common ones are assisting in showering or bathing as well as grooming. Aid in dressing and going to the bathroom are also near the top of the list of things your loved one would likely need the most help with. Chores that need mental acuity such as taking medications at the right dosage and time or paying bills on time play a big part too.

Did you know that a little more than half of all adults who need care are seniors over 65 years of age? That is quite mind-boggling! Of that number, only a small percentage stays in a nursing facility or some other type of institutional care. This means there are many adult caregivers out there who perform tasks for a loved one for just a few hours a week to full time in-house care. These figures say many people do not realize they are caregivers. They believe they are just doing their familial duty. Just ask yourself – do you do anything for your loved one that takes care of some need? If the answer is yes then you are a caregiver. It’s that simple.

So, are you a caregiver?