There is a big problem among adult caregivers these days that they either do not recognize or no one is talking about. The problem is called depression and as many as 25% of all adult caregivers suffer from this condition which is twice the national average of the population in general. These figures are actually quite conservative as many senior social agencies that provide resources to caregivers believe. In addition, once the caregiver’s duties are done with (usually due to the loved one’s death), depression can still occur or linger on.

Of all the adult caregivers, it seems that those who deal with dementia and Alzheimer’s disease in their loved one has a higher propensity for developing depression with it occurring in women twice as likely over men. The act of caregiving itself is not the cause of the depression but rather the feelings that stem from prolonged care. By the same token, not everyone experiences depression during the caregiving process either.

Why Depression Can Occur

Providing the best care to your loved one can mean giving up your own free time and making emotional and physical sacrifices. There is sometimes no time to call your own when you can decompress and relax. Always being in the “on” position can take its toll, even with the most efficient, competent person. It is quite normal for feelings of anger and resentment to crop up. There is also a feeling of loneliness and sadness in addition to anxiety and fatigue. Add those guilty emotions you have for even feeling these things and it is no wonder depression has become quite a problem among adult caregivers.

If you have never encountered depression before in others, you may perceive it as a weakness in yourself and ignore your feelings. This unbalanced feeling is not healthy and not only can it take a toll on your relationship with loved ones but also on yourself. Denying you have these conflicting emotions just makes things worse because you cannot will them away. Sometimes, you also may not realize you have depression because this condition manifests itself differently from one person to another. Plus depression symptoms do change in a situation over time. Here are some signs that might signal a depressive state:

1.  A feeling of fatigue all the time is one signal of depression that no amount of sleep will solve. In addition, depression can also cause changes in your sleep patterns. Either you will want to sleep too much or you do not get enough.

2.  Eating habits may change. Some people turn to food to try and assuage the feelings of guilt and frustration causing weight gain while others get a nervous stomach and do not eat enough because the food upsets them.

3.  Loss of interest in many activities that were once fun and neglecting personal relationships are both signs of depression. Feelings of inadequacy are quite common as well.

4.  Depression can manifest itself into actual physical symptoms that cannot be attributed to any other ailment. Headaches, non-specific pain on the body and digestive problems like irritable bowel syndrome are just a few of these physical symptoms of depression.

5.  Permanently ending things through suicide is one of the most drastic problems in depression in caregivers because they feel they have no escape and no where to turn.

If you feel any or all of these symptoms of depression, you should know that you are not alone. Do not shoulder the burden any longer. Seek help through friends, family, church, counselors or even your doctor. Do not hold things in but rather confide in someone. It takes time to bounce back but do what you can to make that happen. Participate in activities that were once favorites – and force yourself if you have to. Think positively too. Slowly you will feel the weight being lifted off your shoulders and the days will be brighter. However, you have to take that first step to do something about the depression.

If you are the primary caregiver for a loved one and are finding the demands of being the only caregiver to be too high, it might be time to consider home care services that will help relieve some of the burden that is now placed entirely on you.  There’s an important distinction to be made between home health care and (non-medical) home care; the first concerns medically-based care such as nursing, physical therapy and respiratory therapy.  This type of home care is more expensive than the non-medical types of home care since the providers have to be educated and certified in most circumstances.  If this is not necessary in your case, there are lots of different types of home care that can be utilized at a lower cost (and some that are covered by Medicaid and insurance).

Non-medical home care can either focus on housekeeping tasks such as cooking and cleaning so that you, the primary caregiver can spend time with the aging person, taking care of the person and socializing together.  Another option is to hire someone to be a companion for the aging person part of the day or even the full day.  This person can engage in games and conversation with the patient, work on puzzles together or go for walks if the person is mobile enough.  These types of home care are ideal for primary caregivers who are either working full or part time but do not want their loved one to be alone, or caregivers who simply have too much on their plate.

Home care workers of a non-medical nature can be hired through an agency or can be simply found online or in newspaper listings.  Of course, if you do not use an agency to find a home care provider, you’ll want to do a thorough background check in order to ensure that the person coming into your home is trustworthy and has a good track record.

Sometimes home care professionals come to your house every day for a few hours or sometimes they are hired for the entire week, so your home is the only one in which they’re working at a given point in time.  Additionally, there are home care workers who live in with the elderly couple, which can be an added benefit for both parties.  In this type of situation, the employee benefits by not having to rent a home or apartment and not having to travel to work, and the employer benefits in having their caregiver close by at all times.  The fact that the caregiver lives in should not be abused. Make a working schedule together and expect both parties to stick to it. A caregiver who is not on working duty, but in the house, can give an aging caregiver a feeling that support is there whenever they need it.  In a household where an elderly person can fall at any moment and the primary caregiver is just as old as the patient, having a younger employee in the house can make all the difference in the world.

In addition to these standard working situations for full and part-time home care givers, there’s the option of respite care.  Respite care is a special, round-the-clock type of in-home care where the respite caregiver is responsible 24 hours a day.  This can go on for a day or for a period of time, for example if the primary caregiver becomes ill and cannot take care of their loved one for a few days while they get better or perhaps the caregiver has to go out of town for a few days.  Respite care is an option that offers constant care, the same as a spouse or child offers in-home care.

If you are a primary caregiver with too much work on your hands, checking out some in-home care options might prove to be the smartest step you can make.

Caregiving is incredibly stressful at the best of times, but the holiday season can really add to the burden caregivers are carrying. There are many reasons the holiday season is usually not seen as a reason to celebrate for many caretakers. For one, the holidays can bring extra responsibilities, like shopping for gifts, hosting meals or parties, and the pressure to attend other holiday events. It can also be a time for increased emotional distress. The holidays generally mean that families come together – those same family members that have been unwilling to help you manage the caregiving burden throughout the rest of the year. Your caregiving responsibilities may mean that you don’t have the time you’d like to have to spend with other friends or attending holiday parties. Last but not least, it might be especially hard to cope with your loved one’s illness during the holidays, a time that is usually filled with memories of happier days.

If this sounds like the way you view the holidays as a caregiver, you should know that there are choices you can make to help the holiday season run a little more smoothly for you and to help you actually get some time to enjoy the season yourself. It all comes down to you being assertive about your needs and deciding how you’ll deal with the situations that arise. You can choose to have a happy holiday this year.

The first thing you have to come to terms with is seeing your family members that you might have some resentful feelings about. You probably want to confront them and insist that give you more help and show you some appreciation for the work you are doing. The holidays might make a handy time to have these conversations since everyone is gathered together, but you have to decide if the confrontation is worth the stress that it will cause you. If you know that it will cause a big blow up and you don’t want it hanging in the air, then choose to bite your tongue for now, enjoy your holiday, and confront your family after the season passes.

Next, you have to come up with some realistic idea of how much extra work you can put in over the holidays. Even if you are the usual host of the family holiday events – and it’s very common for the family member who has stepped up as caretaker to be the one who has stepped up for these kinds of events in the past – speak up and say that you simply can’t manage this year. If you must have the gathering in your home, ask other people to bring food so you don’t have the extra work to do. Likewise, be realistic about how much time you can spend attending holiday events yourself. Don’t feel obligated to accept every invitation, and don’t feel obligated to stay longer than you feel like when you do attend events. Make the decision not to take on the extra stress.

Last but not least, make sure to take some time out for you and your patient to enjoy some quiet time together on the holidays. Although you may be together all of the time, that may not be real, quality time. Even patients with dementia tend to hold on to their long term memories, so they may be very able to reminisce with you about holidays past. The holidays can be a special time for you as a caregiver to simply enjoy and remember the relationship you have with the person you care for – which may not always be easy to do when you care for them day in and day you.

The bottom line is that the holidays are what you make them. Decide to preserve your own needs, and you can enjoy the season as well.