What happens when you want to take care of your elderly parent but they live in Texas while you live in Oregon? Long distance caregiving can be quite demanding and nerve wracking because you are wondering what is happening with your parent and how they are doing when you are not there to see them. Whether it is one hour or ten hours, you have to determine the best way to take care of your loved one’s needs long distance without robbing them of their self-confidence and sense of independence. Here are some strategies to get you started on your quest to efficient, yet caring of a loved one long distance:

1.  Organize your thoughts and actions. Get a lay of the land so to speak and understand where things stand in terms of your elderly parent’s general health, ability to care for themselves, mobility issues, cognitive and mental acuity and level of care needed. Without a true understanding of the situation, you will never be in command of it.

2.  Travel to see your ill loved one. This relates to number one above. In order to understand what is going on, you really need to visit your elderly parent in person and see for yourself where things stand. Schedule an appointment with your parent’s doctor. Make it a point to meet your parent’s neighbors and who they are friendly with – whether it is someone down the street, at church or through some other means. These connections will likely be your lifeline once you return home.

By having some friends and neighbors at the ready you have a built-in group reporting to you giving your progress reports on your loved one. They can stop by your aging parent’s home to offer assistance and companionship. They can take turns chauffeuring your loved one around on errands.

3.  Use the geriatric network in your parent’s area to locate the local centers or agencies on aging. If you are seeking any caregiving resources whatsoever, these agencies are your best bet when your hands are tied at a distance. If you need to find a home health care nurse, an assisted living facility or even a group home that deals with dementia, tap into this aging resource.

4.  Get the legalities out of the way. While it is difficult, you need to speak with your loved one regarding a will, setting up a trust or even a power of attorney so that you can act on their behalf in the even they become incapacitated.  It is best to do this while your loved one still understands what is going on.

5.  Tackle finances with your loved one. A joint ownership is one way to protect your loved one. Set up automatic bill pay and online banking so that your loved one does not have to worry about writing check to pay bills and you can balance their checkbook and the account online you’re your own home.

6.  Keep a plan of action in the event your loved one’s friends or local caregiver calls you with news of trouble. Having a plan means you do not have to think about what to do when you are stressed by the call that something is wrong with your ailing parent. Your one thought should be how to get to them, not having to research several different airlines and rental cars online for the best deals.

7.  Consider relocating your sick parent close to you, especially when their health has declined and the need for an in-home nursing assistance or 24 hour care is eminent. You have to examine your options of whether moving them in with you is the right choice or finding an assisted living or nursing facility.

8.  The final piece of advice is to not neglect your own needs during the caregiving process. You may end up so focused on the needs of your loved one that you may not immediately realize the stress you are under.

If you care for a loved one that is ill, then you know that every little bit of help you can get is good thing. Caring for someone is a job that never ends, which is a burden for you, but caring can also be a burden for the patient themselves. Many people who are being cared for want to be as independent as they possibly can, but little things get in the way. Sometimes, it’s easier for you to do something for them than for them to do it themselves, which leaves you feeling stressed, and them feeling guilty. This is where assistive technology can enter the picture. Assistive technology can help make your loved one more independent and help make the caring you do a lot easier. It’s an option that has helped many caretakers and patients alike.

Just what is assistive technology? It’s really just a fancy word that applies to any number of devices that make things easier to do. There are two kinds of assistive technology – low tech and high tech. Low tech assistive technology can be something as simple as a cane, a hearing aid, or a pair of glasses. High tech assistive technology can involve computer programs and sensors that let you know when a patient with dementia is trying to leave the house, for instance. Just about anything that helps someone accomplish something can be called an assistive technology.

Of course, not all assistive technology is right for everyone. You have to look long and hard at the needs of the person for whom you are caring before you go for assistive technology. For example, a shiny scooter to whisk your loved one around might look nice, but if they are fully mobile, it’s no use. If, on the other hand, their hearing is impaired, a hearing aid can make a world of difference. There are tons of assistive technology devices that make things are difficult for a person who needs caring, like personal hygiene, easier. Velcro, specially designed clothing and more can all give them the ability to dress themselves, and in turn, give them a self esteem boost and a feeling of independence. When you’re selecting the kinds of devices you need, make sure you evaluate the ones that will be most helpful for you. It can be easy to get distracted by things that look really “cool” but they may not be the things you need. Think about the biggest challenges you and your loved one face, and look for devices that meet those needs.

With so many different kinds of assistive devices out there, the prices vary wildly. Obviously something like Velcro can be very cheap, while something like a hoist to help you move a loved one out of bed and into a wheelchair can be extremely expensive. The good news is that if you need to get an expensive assistive technology device, there may be help available. Many of these devices are covered by Medicaid and most insurance plans. Some companies that sell these devices will even take care of the paperwork for you, so you don’t have one more responsibility to bear.

If you need help learning about the different options that are out there in assistive technology, start by checking with the doctor of the loved one you are looking after. They might have some good advice for you. You can also check with your local caregivers’ support group. The members there might be able to give you advice from experience, including what has helped them and what products to avoid. However you explore this avenue, make sure that you do. The burden it can lift from you and your loved one is enormous.

Coping with the illness of a parent is difficult enough on its own, but often such a circumstance can cause conflicts between siblings. These kinds of conflicts can really escalate when a parent requires long terms care and someone needs to step in and take on the role of caregiver. They types of conflicts that come up differ from family to family, depending on several different factors, but it is important to know in advance that caregiving is potentially troublesome for sibling relationships so you can manage this from the outset – it will be one less burden everyone needs to carry during this difficult time.

The number one issue for siblings when it comes to caregiving roles is who is going to take on what responsibilities. The way this problem manifests itself, however, depends largely on the kind of relationship each sibling has with the parent and with each other. If the family is close and each sibling has a close relationship with the parent involved, then the conflict may come up as rivalry. Siblings may compete with who will provide the primary care for the parent, especially if the decision is made that someone will either have to move in with the parent or have the parent move into their home. The opposite problem will occur if the siblings and parents are not close. A history of bad feeling and estrangement between the siblings and the parent may leave the siblings arguing over which one of them has to provide the care, as neither of them wants to get too involved.

There is, of course, a middle ground to this issue, and that is the one where one sibling is the clear choice as the caretaker, and the other siblings remain involved on a limited basis. This situation can actually cause more resentment on the part of the caretaker than any other, as they may feel unduly burdened by taking on all of the care themselves, and they cannot see a good reason why their siblings are not helping. Understanding that your brother and mother do not get along and he remains uninvolved in her care is one thing. Seeing your brother breeze into town and stop by to say hello to your mother for 20 minutes on his way out of town on vacation when you haven’t been able to so much have a cup of coffee with a friend in months is quite another thing and much harder to take.

These problems don’t have to happen with you and your siblings if you’re ready to plan for them in advance. Anticipate the bumps in the road and try to avoid them. The most important thing you can do is make sure that everyone is involved in every decision that relates to the care of the parent. Not only will this help make sure no one feels left out, it will also give everyone a very clear picture of what exactly the caretaker has to deal with, so they may be more willing to jump in and help.

Another big help for siblings is to devise a schedule that meets everyone’s needs. Everyone is likely to have different levels of availability to provide care, but you should split up responsibilities as much as possible. Siblings who live out of town may be called on to contribute financially more while those in town can help with doctor’s visits, cleaning and so on.

For siblings, realizing a parent requires caregiving is a daunting discovery. The best way to make sure the parent gets what they need while the sibling relationships are protected is to make sure the communication doors are always open.

It is quite normal to feel overwhelmed when faced with assuming the role of caregiver. There are a number of people in this country who are now taking care of their parents in their declining years. You may have actually been a caregiver for years without realizing it before an accident or event changed your perception. Do you feel you are even a caregiver? Here are some signs that indicate you soon will be if you are not already:

1.  Your once vibrant dad is now being plagued with a lot of little health problems, nothing earth-shattering or life-threatening – but enough to hamper his lifestyle.

2.  You find your loved one’s bank statements and unpaid bills laying on their desk unopened when they were once really diligent about paying on time.

3.  Loss of interest in the hobbies or regular socializing your loved one normally does. Perhaps your elderly dad’s workshop has not been opened in a while or that weekly card game has now become a thing of the past.

4.  Regular household chores are not being done such as mowing the lawn, washing dishes or fixing a leak in the sink.

5.  There is not an adequate food supply present to feed your ailing parent or they become inattentive when cooking or baking, burning food.

6.  Grooming has become slack and your once polished parent is now a bit disheveled.

7.  Being distracted and inattentiveness in your loved one are also signs that you may soon become a caregiver.

If you feel that your parent may almost be ready for a caregiver, talk with them about it. Involve your aging parents in the process so they have some input in their own care. Of course, if there is some cognitive impairment in your parent, it is still important to include them in the decision-making. This will make them feel included and not so isolated about their situation. Help them navigate the internet on the computer so they can read for themselves the positive benefits of caregiving.

Once your role as caregiver is inevitable, create a job description so you know what to expect from yourself and get your loved one’s input as they will be the recipient of this care. Get other family members, friends and neighbors lined up and on board to serve stand-by for those times when you need help. If you do not have much of a support system, look into local home health care agencies or companions, depending on your loved one’s needs. Be sure to stick to the guidelines you set up for yourself and respect your time off because you will need it to recharge your internal batteries.

You do not have to shoulder the burden of caregiving alone. Check with the AAA, the Area Agency on Aging and look for a local office. They and many other entities like them can provide you with leads on home companions, nursing assistance and even assisted living facilities or adult day care. Know what your options are now before immersing yourself in the caregiving role.

If possible, involve your aging parent in your caregiving decisions. If you plan to use an adult day care, take them on a tour of the facility to ensure there will be enough activities to keep them engaged. Interviewing for a home health care nurse, allow your parent to meet with the interviewee. This will give you a chance to see how well they would interact together.

Find a positive spin for all of these caregiving changes in your aging parent’s life. If a companion is coming to the home to help cook and clean, tell your parent that now they don’t have to worry about those two chores, they have more time to visit with friends or indulge in a favorite pastime. All in all, the most important thing you can do is involve your loved one. Of course screen all possibilities first to weed out the chafe but take into consideration your loved one’s opinions. After all, they are the recipient of your caregiving efforts and should have a positive experience.

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When it comes to taking care of an aging loved one, it’s important to not only think about the needs of the person that are physical needs, such as being warm enough and being fed and bathed, but also about the needs that are more psychological.  Many caregivers notice that when the person they are caring for is more able to do things independently that they are happier.  Part of being able to do something independently is mobility; fortunately, for caregivers and for those with reducing mobility, there are many devices that can help a person with reduced mobility get around safely.

Of course, safety is a primary concern, so it’s not a good idea to encourage someone with reduced mobility to just walk around the house because it’s good for the person to be able to do things for themselves.  It’s important to keep in mind that this ability to get around the house (or get up and down the street) should not be treated as a simple goal; the benefits of having the ability to do it because of assisting devices has to be weighed against the risks that are involved with letting someone with reduced mobility head off down the street.

For elderly people who are still walking but who need some assistance to ensure that they don’t fall, there are various types of assisting walking devices.  Some people prefer a simple cane, but there are also a wide variety of walkers available which give the person even more stability.  The tough thing with using a cane is that most people only use one cane to help them walk around; while this is a good addition to one’s mobility program, it’s even better if a device is added which supports both sides of the person’s body.  Since a cane only supports one side of the person’s body, it’s very easy to become preferential to one side of the body.  Some people remember to switch the cane back and forth to the opposite side of the body each day in order to stay balanced, but the vast majority of people develop one arm that’s for the cane and the other arm is never involved with the device.  A rolling walker can provide even more stability and does not favor the left or the right side of the body.

In contexts where much more movement is required or for a person who is not at all able to walk on their own, there are many devices that can help caregivers help people with reduced mobility to get around.  For example, a scooter is a great way for many elderly people to get around because quite often their caregivers are their own spouses, a person who is also quite advanced in age in most cases.  Usually, the caregiver is not someone who can be pushing a wheelchair with an adult person in it; this is why the scooter with a built-in motor is the perfect solution for many caregivers.

In addition to the scooter itself, the best way to be able to use the scooter in multiple contexts is to get a carrier for your car.  Once you have a carrier on your car, you can transport the scooter anywhere that you need to go.  Loading the scooter onto the carrier (or into a van, for example) is completely automated at the push of a button.  Such a device ensures that caregivers and their loved ones can go to all the places they need to go without the worry of wondering how to get around once they get there or without the disappointment of always being left in the car.  Such devices as these are what make caregiving easier and easier despite the emotional stresses that remain.

Acting as a caregiver is never an easy task, but if the patient you are looking after has dementia, it becomes an even more difficult burden. Patients with dementia often cannot be left alone, and you have to worry not only about taking care of their health but also their safety. Plus, as the dementia worsens, the patient will become and more and more difficult to communicate with, and their mood swings can be distressing. If you find yourself in the position of caring for someone with dementia, learning to understand their condition and how to communicate with them as effectively as possible is critical for both of you. This will help the patient get what they need and will help lighten the load that you are carrying. Here are some tips to keep in mind when you are faced with a loved one with dementia.

First, know that the unspoken communication signals you use are as important as the words you choose. Sometimes, a patient with dementia may have a difficult time understanding your exact meaning, which can be alarming to them. However, if you use a calm tone of voice and maintain a friendly expression, even if your message is not getting across, the fact that you’re trying to be helpful and positive will. Losing your temper and raising your voice will escalate a bad situation and can be extremely unnerving for the patient – not to mention the fact that you will feel guilty afterwards. If you don’t think you can maintain your composure at any given moment, wait until later to deliver the message you need to deliver.

Of course, if you want to be understood, it helps if there is nothing else competing for the patient’s attention. Focus is a tremendous issue with dementia, and if you are trying to talk to the patient while you are also watching TV, playing music or anything else distracting, you are unlikely to be able to get your point across. Keep things calm and quiet to make talking easier.

When the patient tries to respond to you, keep an eye on their nonverbal communication. It’s very common for a person with dementia to mix up their words, or to struggle to come up with any words at all, but you may be able to help them get their own point across if you pay attention to their behavior. Do they seem alarmed? If you’ve asked them to make a decision about something, can they point at what they want? Do everything you can to help them make themselves understood.

Your response also matters. If you’ve asked a question, if the patient can’t answer you or if they give you an answer that doesn’t make sense in relation to the question that you have asked, be calm. Judge the situation and decide if you should ask another way or wait until later. Never argue with a person who has dementia. Physical affection is important here as well. A hug can calm a patient down, let them know they are safe, and in turn help them communicate better.

Last but not least, remember to keep it simple and clear. You may need to find a new way of talking when you’re dealing with a patient with dementia. It is in our nature to pepper our sentences with pronouns and slang terms, but this can confuse a person suffering from dementia. Call everyone and everything but its proper name so the patient is not left guessing and use visual aids and clues when possible. Communication will always be a challenge for caregivers and dementia patients, but the right approach can make a potentially extremely stressful prospect much easier to manage.

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No one ever knows how hard acting as a caregiver is until they have actually had to do it themselves. Once you become a caregiver, your life is no longer your own. It is certainly very much like having a child, but it also brings with it the extra stress. You are often watching a loved one deteriorate physically and mentally before your eyes. The toll it takes on you is physical as well as emotional, and most caregivers find that they carry the entire burden of the caregiving themselves. To provide good care for your loved, however, you need to be good to yourself and try to make the caring process as stress-free as possible. These tips and helpful hints will guide you in making the caring process go as smoothly as it can, do you can look after yourself and your patient.

There are two main sets of tips for caregivers – those that make the actual caring easier and those that help caregivers get a little bit of relaxation and a much needed break. In terms of making the caring process easier, think about the things that you do for your patient that you might be able to empower them to do for themselves. If the patient needs help finding their personal items and then has no idea where to put them away, you can consider labeling drawers and cabinets with little notes that tell where everything is. Your patient will relish the chance to be independent enough to not have to ask for your help, and the note may also encourage them to put things away easily so you don’t have to go behind them and clean up. If your patient is bedridden, keep a selection of things they may need close to them, including books, TV remote, tissues, and more. That way they have the ability to get some of what they need and want without your help.

If you frequently take your patient out in the car with you, make sure you care is stocked with everything you may need. Incontinence is a frequent problem with patients who need care, so make sure all of the materials you need to deal with an accident are in your car, so you can deal with the problem swiftly and with as little discomfort to the patient as possible. Likewise, keep important phone numbers and backups of any medications in your car just in case.

Caring for yourself is as important as caring for your patient – if you’re not operating at 100%, you won’t be giving them 100% care. But carving out the time you need to relax and recharge when you’re the primary caregiver can be next to impossible. To make sure you get some time, first, look for the little bits of time you can steal to yourself daily. If your patient is napping, instead of running around doing the cleaning, take some time to read a book or watch a favorite TV show. After your patient goes to bed at night, develop a relaxing routine like taking a bath or unwinding with some of your favorite music.

When you need a longer break, don’t be afraid to reach out for help. If there are no family members or friends around to step in and help you, then investigate adult day care services or home health care services. You need to get away for your own emotional and physical wellbeing, so don’t be afraid to ask for the help you need. If you don’t know where to start, check out your local caregivers’ support group for advice on the resources that are available in your area.